hell yes lets make some ravioli
You know im sick of people that are still obsessed w obama. that was sooooo last year
i'd like someone to explain to me why my clothes are all sticky. including my fanny pack. yes, this is a mass text.
Been drinkin since 3, wearing a tutu, how could things go wrong
you said grace in the diner. 5am, drunk, grace. you thanked the man w the mushroom cut for the wonderful supply of screwdrivers
Not only do I have sand in my ass, but a crab pinched me while we were fucking. Still totally worth it.
Knitting and drinking wine. Forget my 21st birthday, might as well just skip to my 60th
Opened my wallet to find a slice of ham with a phone number written on it in sharpie.
Yeah I figured you were blackout when you were Shakira dancing on the floor.
I didn't notice because vodka
He wants to take me instead of his girlfriend to the happiest place on earth... By that He meant Vegas. My morals are just loose enough to think this is a good idea
She offered to treat me to breakfast after a one night stand if I meet her parents and sex again if I act as her bf. It may be a trap but its a offer I won't refuse.
Last time I checked he was house sitting for his ex while she was out of town with some new dude. He was crying about how the guy told him to stay out of his whiskey while he was gone. That's whipped
Oh god. Charles just fell off the bar. Didn't spill his drink. He's come so far..
If I don't get alcohol poisoning from tonight I don't think i ever will.
Randomize
