As heartfelt as your proposal was- I will NOT marry for money- especially to someone who still owes me $700. You r officially pathetic!!
People were stuck in the elevator screaming and freaking out. I banged on the door and yelled, "fire depart!" They got excited and then I ran away. lolz
dont try to nair your balls. i speak from experience
21st Birthday Idea: liquor store gift registry. Give me a promotion.
You spent most of the night crying and throwing leftover meatballs at the neighbors dogs
Your wedding's just one more day in my life I can't wear sweat pants.
Exactly. Because my vagina can't be consoled with words. It requires a thicker form of communication
My dick can't jump between your dick and her mouth, man. It's impossible, I think.
I didn't want to walk to anymore parties because I found a cat. It was magical.
Do you know how hard it is to was the scent of sex from your hair in a gas station bathroom?!
I need to stop getting drunk and telling people it isn't "about them."
MY INSIDES ARE BASICALLY BEING WRUNG BY A CHAINSAW IM NEVER TAKING PLAN B AGAIN
Putting plan B on my parents credit card wasn't the smartest idea
We've been fucking like crazy ever since she quit her job..ive been running errands all day to stay out of the house and give my dick a day of rest
I hate my life now
Cockblock successful. That's for pouring nacho cheese on my flatscreen, asshole.
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