First thing she said after sex was.. are you baptised by chance?
Apparently I called 911 everytime Sean Kingston told me to
My jaw hurts. Such a slutty injury..
When i woke up this morning she asked me 'when did you first find out that you could see the future.' I gotta stop drinking.
This soccer player girl is eating this banana WAY to slow. Too early for penis shaped foods.
Spent the entire ride home from downtown trying to convince designated dawgs to drop us off at waffle house instead of our apartment. i told them it was my house...they didn't buy it.
He's acting like I should like him more than vodka and Taco Bell, but I just don't ser that happening.
I'll even be awesome and bring pizza for your family, just as a "hey thanks for letting a stranger get trashed at your house" gesture.
you're good to come back. The bouncer pulled me aside and told me. He also said you have nothing to worry about and that you have an awesome "upper punch" or some shit
Drank a beer through my butt, how's your initiation going?
If I get to the point of singing Man of Constant Sorrow then please god let me do it, record it, then cut me off.
I know my whole body feels like I belly flopped onto concrete. Seriously need to tone it down for a while
I just heard myself say the sentence "I'm gonna go to the bank then take a nap". 8 year old me just slapped my present self through the space-time continuum for being an old fuck.
Going overboard is basically 75% of my personality
I'm a gorgeous hot mess
I don't care. It's wine Wednesday get your gameface on.
Randomize
