I called the bartender Mr. Intoxication last night. He thought it was funny until i threw up and blamed it on him
Who was more unwelcome: The two of us at the party last night, or Kimmy Gibler at the Tanner residence?
I should have been more specific when I asked for 8 inches.
y-o-u-r-e = you are, y-o-u-r = your. you are a bag of douche not your bag of douche. if you're going to insult me at least do it in proper english. that is all.
He crawled in my bed this morning, ate me out, and even brought me a panera deli sammie for lunch at school. I don't care what he lied about, all is forgiven him.
Amazing. Super drunk. We stole a street sign in a golf cart and went around jousting trash cans all night.
He started doing the gator chop at my vag and said he couldn't wait to "chomp" on it later...and I still slept with him. I hate gainesville.
Going to the beach. Greeting Sandy with a blunt. Wish us luck!
Just assume that every drink in that house has alcohol in it.
How do I carry myself in a way that says "I swallow"?
I started a USA chant at the bar last night for no reason, other than being plastered. Within 15 seconds, I was standing on a table and the whole bar was chanting but nobody knew why.
Why am I not blowing coke off your ass at my apartment?
We tried to do sophisticated last night, but our low class kept shining through.
Things he's good at: oral sex and geometry. Things he's not good at: actual sex.
We had sex on his sofa while his friend cheered and threw bugles at us
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