We just followed a woman home because she looked like Jeff Goldblum. Turns out she lives in a trailer park.
Dating my ex's drug dealer.. best. revenge. ever.
It says i should accept HIV aids as my friend on facebook.We have 12 friends in common. I need new friends.
For the first time in my life, I paid for my own alcoholic beverage last night. Am I getting ugly?
To be honest, kinda.
second attempt at shower sex: failed after the water turned orange bc of a fire up the street. this is just not meant to be
The guy you fucked with the lazy eye is here, im avoiding contact by texting you. But i just looked up and he recognizes me, theres no way he doesnt. I'd remember the girl who called me quasimodo all night too. Sober me feels so bad.
Whiskey and an unstable home life is apparently the fountain that 20-something boys like to drink from.
But the drunk streaking fizzled when one of jake's friends took a piss while running with a massive erection.
I'm ok. I've got the pantsless-with-dignity thing down pat
I just spent the better half of my Friday night alone, naked eating McDonalds. Not my worst start of a new year
WHO ARE THESE GUYS WHY AN ORGRY ON A MONDAY LMAO
Plus we had to have sex before the game because there is a good chance we won’t be speaking for the rest of the week. #ironbowl
I'm sure he likes you too... but your boyfriend is kind of a cockblock
Did I literally just offer a blowjob for help moving? Yes. Yes, I did.
Nothing quite like spending your evening singing Shania Twain I Feel Like a Woman barbershop quartet Style with some homeless guys outside of Keyport liquor. love Shania Twain. How's your Sunday?
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