I just realized i masturbated to the home shopping network. I either need to get a boyfriend asap, or a subscription to a porn website, or i just need to stop taking ambien
The class that normally occupies the room we use for my Monday class had to do posters as if for a Hamlet movie and they pick actors for each character and this person wrote "Robert D. Niro"
so my class lasted 15 minutes this morning because this kid puked all over himself..only at radford
You guessed 7 of 8 bra sizes correctly. You're like a drunk rainman.
Were betting on little kids falling and racing for a drinking game at the wedding.
I want to be done crawling through windows but the sex is too good to stop...but I'm running out of excuses for where the bruises on my legs are coming from.
after she pushed someone down the stairs to get more vodka we lost her for a while and found her on the pole in the garage pouring water on herself
the number of desperate girls at the gym right now is unfair. it would be cruel not to let one blow me.
Guess who woke up with a hangover this morning? The same person whose parents found out and woke her up by banging pots and pans with wooden spoons.
Somehow I've got the party rigged to where I get a foot massage every time someone wants a beer out of the fridge. Hellz yeah
Was just messaged by someone in a Power Ranger suit on OkCupid... Figured you would approve
Dude. Got a sore throat. Don't know if it's because my body is rejecting Michigan or cause of the bad ass blow job I gave last night
I'm watching Trainwreck with Jeff and realizing that I'm the John Cena in my relationship.
You stuck your false lashes to your upper lip and then asked that ONE kid with facial hair if your "mustaches could touch" as an excuse to make out.
You left your pants here again. 4th time in a row. How can you walk home without pants?
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