You would DIE at the bar we're at right now. All indian/asian med students, I swear
Asian doctor ratio. So hot. I would've gone into heat
i'm sure her mom would have loved to find out her daughter has herpes via facebook
even a "fuck you" would be nice at this point.
I know the vomits not mine cause its on my back.
Well the party says they're going to have three kegs and four trampolines. I think I'm going to invite my EMT buddies just to be safe.
the size of his penis is telling me NOOO! but his bank account is telling me YESSS!
I sent her 8 pictures of my dick in a baked potato. Not sure how I thought that would get me laid later.
I feel like having peed on eachother is a point in our lives we should never have gotten to...
also Jesus you really need to change your diet. I just washed your baby gravy out of my hair and it's so acidic my hair is damaged. You have killer sperm
passed out in the hallway last night, now I'm sitting down in the shower, eating lukewarm canned soup out of Tupperware, listening to Carly rae jepsen.. I had a rough night.
We were escorted through the guys dorm by 5 kids with nerf guns and zelda shields. I felt like the president with a fucked up secret service squad.
And I was like "take off the damn flower crown, we're about to have sex not post an indie picture on tumblr"
why not an indie porn pic then
I know, dude. If he ends up having a tiny dick, I will literally pack it back into his pants and leave. Not worth the aggravation.
I let a drunk straight girl spank me with a metal paddle at the bar tonight. Remind me to never do that again.
I did not marry a roomba.
Randomize
