how could I be having a bad time, I have the three most important things in life: Goat cheese, Xanax, and Saved By the Bell Re-runs.
Theres this fat girl in desperate need of the proactive factory in my class and as i watch her shovel food in her face I am struggling to not only keep down my meager lunch but also to stay straight. Eliza Dushku couldnt even get my flacid dick to move
please explain to me why there is a shopping cart in my living room.
This girl has a second refrigerator that she uses JUST for liquor, her kitchen chairs are kegs AND she can grill. I'm not coming back.
I sorta feel bad for the actual person in my fake id that got a drunk in public charge.
I think the duck is in my room. You have no idea how much worse a duck makes a hangover
Close. The correct answer is shitting in a public toilet. We also would have accepted the pit of despair.
I'm at a restaurant. I am NOT about to discuss my asshole over the phone.
I used my iced coffee to ice the bump on my head from last night
Thank god he came over. I had to have some good sex to makeup for all the bad sex I've been having.
Hey sorry for calling you so much last night. I mixed your number with the pizza guys, and he was running late
So we hooked up and then instead of texting me, he endorsed me on LinkedIn for Microsoft Word a few days later
I'm now forever going to blame miss frizzle for making me the sexual deviant that I am today
God help them if any millennials are in the vicinity. Rent is too high and we no longer fear death
You should have thought of that before emitting walrus sounds while intoxicated
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