At Coney Island the sign for the rollercoaster The Cyclone says, "Make sure your glasses and weave are secure."
when im bored during the day i often think, what do people who dont get high do with their day.. i came to the conlcusion that everyone must be getting high
i upgraded from drunk texts to drunk e-mails...real world here i come
Hurricane my ass. I'm riding a god damn kayak down the flooded highway if it's the last god damn thing I do, god damnit.
I'm currently braless eating the balls of the penis cake and drinking warm champagne. I'm 3 cats away from crazy at this point
So what are you going to be for halloween?
A woman sitting on her couch watching Hocus Pocus.
I told the person I was on the phone with to hold on while I looked for my phone. I think it's time to stop doing dabs.
It might be whiskey, but I view Marge and Homer Simpson as something to strive for
Smoking a bowl in nothing but a flamingo thong.
I don't know if dry shampoo will fix the decisions we made last night.
Also, I just opened Google to find the lyrics to California Gurls. Karaoke night did us dirty.
Is it rude to say "I hate you because you live inside Hillary Clinton's asshole"?
Can you please venmo me emergency money? i have no pants.
Well drunk me was looking out for sober me again, hid the beer and bought another case for me
His hair is as curly as mine. It was like watching me go down on myself.
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