Balls are like the throw pillows of the penis
Brutally Honest is my real middle name, Princess just sounds better.
She's dressed as Musafa. How could this not be a good idea?
Thursday nights need to stop happening to me.
The timing couldn't have been better if I planned it. His mom walked away, I vomited in their mulch, and then his mom came back and offered me bread.
The dopest dose you'll ever dose. I felt like an octopus all of thursday
I'll remember. Also, I owe you 200 for a pair of shoes that I carelessly bought to improve my spinal structure, to improve my health and ensure that I love to be 300 years old. Like Adam. Of the bible.
He wants to buy me a drink to apologize for sending me a pic of his dick. Welcome to my life.
Ain't no cockblock like hearing the word"HOOODOOORR!" shouted from the bedroom floor while in the middle of sex.
I heard you ran into my sister lastnight. Do you remember making out with her and slapping my uncle?
Putting a bow on your dick doesn't make it a real present
Did we actually play with swords last night or did I dream that?
Morning! Got your 3am VM to remind you to get up for spin class and also confirm you were not murdered by the sketchy guy at brunch yesterday. So this is your literal and metaphorical wake up call.
Fun FACT Saturday: Semen is great for my acid reflux
I went to my AA meeting last night. My drug dealer is now my counselor.
Randomize
