I was just walking through Burbank and saw a hobo using solar panels on his shopping cart. We must be in trouble if the hobos are researching alternative sources of fuel...
Last night, you attempted to motor boat my vagina then proceeded to blow raspberries on it. Don't ever do that again.
Why does Thanksgiving make hot girls feel disgusting and fat girls feel horny? Its killing my prospects.
do you know how scary it is to wake up in a CATSCAN machine after a night of drinking?
Just dont tell him. Tell him you colored your vagina for breast cancer awareness month. He will understand.
I just woke up in my ex-boyfriends bed, with my new boyfriends jersey on. I love March maddness.
You were buying shots for everyone, saying, "I got a tax refund. I'm a MILLIONAIRE."
Someday, but I will be heavily drugged and there will be no dolphins.
Do you think we could brew coffee with beer? I'm thinking a hazelnut Guinnesspresso can only end with pure awesome.
He just sent me the contact information about getting the Zebra for graduation...
I just imagined myself as R2-D2 and you as C3P0 walking around the Vegas desert looking for alcohol
Congratulations, you have turned my vagina into a garden hose.
She answered the door wearing a basket, said it was the only clean thing she had.
so you can go out and drink with me then fuck me, or you can come over when i get home and fuck me, or you can come over before and fuck me, or you can come over before and after and fuck me... so many fucking options
i woke up and couldnt remember who was in my bed and it was so dark.. i rolled over and started kissing him and feeling his face because hey... if the blind can see like that.. maybe i could too
Randomize
