we are all sexual creatures
yea maybe. but you're not. you're not getting any.
I'm so hungover i just sang the alphabet to see if "Z" comes after "W"
Just bought two budlight beers with a can of tuna at the bar
not only did i soak my thesis by spilling celebratory shots on it, but i also stained it with lipstick making it obvious i tried to drink the vodka off it......dgaf, worth it.
NExt question... Do i wanna sleep under my palm tree
YES.
everything was going well until edgar threatened to handcuff the security guard to himself.
Until you wake up with a Hustler club stripper in the next room whose nipple you were coerced to lick at Snake & Jake's after breaking up a fight between an Indian and a Filipino, I don't wanna hear about your weird.
After you bought Jesus' name tag off him at the Mexican restaurant you commenced to stumbling around the lobby showing anybody who would listen what would Jesus do.
Stop giving me tequila.
I'm not entirely sure how getting 'house drunk' turned into us getting trashed, being serenaded by karaoke and going out. But it needs to happen again.
That shot was terrible
You were like one of those guys at carnivals that spit out fire..... Except it was throw up
Why were you not born a dude?
Because god wanted to level the playing field
You are hereby uninvited from future Turnt Tuesdays until further notice.
Our relationship is perfect
90% threatening to punch him in the dick 10% actual dickpunching
Just got up.... With the club stamp on my ass.... How did it got there????
I call bullshit
Call it what ever you want I just need to figure out how to get permanent marker off my cock
Randomize
