Awkward is getting caught beating off in the company bathroom...
Vibrating panties would be amazing during this conversation!
oh my god i'm in a crawl space
You better of fucked him last night or do it now because he is buying all the roommates McDonald's.
i want to go make food but i'll have to face my mom after telling her that the random i'm sleeping with, whose name i don't know, told me I was "too slutty to be his girlfriend" when i was drunk last night
Sweet tea and masterbation. It's how I manage.
I just put on my phone calendar to remind me of my final child support payment in 2029
You walked up to a random girl on the street and asked her for a bite of her pizza...
I don't care what the Chinese zodiac calendar says . . . 2015 is the year of the cock!
I'm sure the lady doing my pedicure could smell the sex on me.
Turns out he's not a Doctor Who fan, I mumbled Alons-y as I went down on him. He asked who Alan was. No more drunk sex for me!
He came all over her clothes we have to leave
I didn't have time to wash my hair yesterday. Ended up spraying some Febreeze on it.
I'm going to need a penis the size of a bat
He left me alone in a hotel room my last night in town to go home to jerk off and watch TV. So yeah, I guess we're not really friends.
Randomize
