The best thing happened. Some guy was butchering Conway Twitty at karoke and the power went off in the whole bar. And someone shouted "you pissed jesus off when you messed with conway!"
he pointed at my clit and asked with a confused face, 'whats this thingy??"
theres always time to masturbate. my grandpa taught me that.
I made $300 today by selling pizza @ $4 a slice to nerds who refuse to leave the library. God I love finals time
Don't mean to be rude. But did you, by any chance, cut down a tree from my neighbors backyard last night? And did you also drag it to my yard and burn it?
I wore sweatpants. When I show up to a booty call in sweatpants there's your warning
I got laid and laid off at a conference in long beach all on the same day
Eh. They balance each other out
I am not sure which is more amazing; The fact that she offered me sex, beer AND nachos, or that she can properly use a semi-colon at her current blood alcohol level.
You don't realize it's a small world until your ex girlfriend's dad unintentionally messages you on grindr..what.the.fuck.
Broeke and glass. I feel so and. Appilogixe in morbing.
I snorted xanax while wearing reindeer antlers. Prancer gone wild. Have a merry Christmas.
Bed, food, and you got really nice boobs. That's it really. Foundations of friendship right there.
I'm just hitting the tip of the iceberg on accents for this trip...so basically my panties are done for.
We turned his nipples into a drinking game.
He just looks like he'd be good in bed. He looks like he has a lot of anger built up in him and all I'm saying is that if he took out on my vagina I'm cool with that
Randomize
