DOES ANYONE KNOW THE NINJA TURTLES
My insides feel lik shag carpet. It is awesome
He said he's gonna start calling me "Benny" because we're "friends with bennyfits"
My Grampa even called her out for being a cock block at the bar...it was that serious
He asked if I smoke and I said "only fools like you on the basketball court!" Then I started crying. I think I'm about to have my period.
Your texting shows a blood alcohol level of .12
sea world and a strip club? BEST DAY EVER!
I feel like despite his sleaziness I could be friends with this man. he just sent me a picture of his dog's balls.
i'm calling it my monica lewinsky shirt now. may it live forever in infamy.
The beer shits the day after completing the World Beer Tour at Epcot are just as epic as the tour itself.
Why was I drunk tweeting incorrect Beyonce lyrics last night?
You stopped making out with some rando guy to tell him you weren't sure about your sexuality then proceeded to follow me down the street to make out with me
You keep talking about hotdogs and yelling "COME ON DOWN, LET ME SEE WHAT YOU'RE WEARING"
I apologize for using the phrase "monster cock hentai porn shit" to describe that guy I picked up last week.
When we were finished she immediately got up, cut a star out of a piece of paper, colored it gold, taped it to my chest and deemed me the Sheriff of Sex.
Randomize