hey can you give me head? jesse told me that you're really good
who is this?
jesse's little brother
dude i dont realllllly have to fuck her do i? its just a mess down there and i think im gonna cry
I was curling my hair today and I looked at my curling iron and thought...
You at least unplugged it right?
It wasn't until i was on my knees with three dicks in my face that i thought it might be a bad idea
he called me back to his office so he could lick a line of pixie stick off of my thigh
be sure to add "office slut" to your resume
I just faked an interview like I fake a fucking orgasm. Wonder if these candidates can tell I'm a tired and hungover recruiter?
I sobered up and saw I was with the fat one and you had left laughing with the hot one. You're a terrible wingman, but an excellent manipulator
NEW HOUSE RULE! If you make it in a chicks cleavage it's 3 cups and bra off.
BP at your house from now on.
It was big, black, and had a smiley face tattooed on it. It was the perfect penis.
I remember us getting kicked out of the bar, but neither of us know why. We woke up next to chicken bones on a plate with spoons, and my car has mud all over it including places where feet shouldn't be, like the speakers on the car door.
I've been back for one day and I've already given two bjs. Improvement from last year.
WHY HAVE SO MANY THING GONE IN MY BUTT ON THIS TRIP
A German guy asked me to take a bath with him. I can't tell if he's just an eccentric European or a run of the mill creep.
it's 1:30pm and i'm eating cheese while i sext. i need hobbies
Dude. Craziest ride ever. I was convinced that the bus was an airplane. There were clouds when I looked out the window. I got really upset every time the bus turned because airplanes shouldn't turn.
Randomize
