i think my tv is drunk
Dude I just picked up a married chick while her husband was playing pool.
What do you mean you picked her up? How are you gonna leave the bar?
I didn't. I fucked her in the men's room. Come get me before he finds out.
last night i used 411 to try and contact britney spears.
dollar well spent
Banging your ex-girlfriends best friend 3 days after you break up is like saying "fuck you" with feeling. I wouldnt have it any other way.
so went to the condom shack today. bought a condom that dresses up your dick in a suit...tomorrow im fucking in style
Stripperoke is exactly what it sounds...
Left my card at the bar and had a drunk girl climb on the hood of my running car to scream at me.
We have so much sex to catch up on
Wasn't his fault he kicked a hole in the wall, they should have never tried to give him a bath after tequila.
If our sexual relationship was relative to the Harry Potter series, I would have claimed the Wizard's Cup at least ten times.
I put ketchup in a girls hair last night. I need a sorry balloon
At first I was nervous, then drunk me thought: What other chance will you realistically have to fuck a British guy?
And I had on a penis ring on the whole time at dinner. And I ate veal...
so all I remember is hig-fiving the cop and then sprinting away. considering I'm not in jail, I count that as a win.
My sister can't give you a handjob and us still be bros.
Randomize
