Well you know what I always say about freshmen.... If you want it, and they've got it... get it.
she was so wasted that she tried to tuck me in and read the jokes on the taco bell sauce as a bed time story
The dentist just giggled when he accidentally shot water across my face, I can sense how he treats women.
OMG HE JUST PUKED WITH THE DOOR OPEN WHILE DRIVING ON THE ROAD AND OMG WE NEED TO CHAT BUT NOT ATM CAUSE THERES PUKE ON MY PHONE
best. trip. ever. this is going to be too much fun. petland isnt going to know what hit them.
The problem with never associating with your roommate is that you never know if they're dead in their room with the door closed or just gone for the weekend...I sprayed some febreeze just in case.
Ugh. This is the type of hangover that all other hangovers want to grow up to be.
Ok I have to ask, whose idea was it to used crushed up norcos as margarita salt? And what did they say to convince everybody else to think it was a good idea?
Saw a girl on a walk of shame bend down and look in a pizza box by a trash can to see if there was still a slice left. That's when you know
Walked in on my roommate covering his dick in blue frosting. Am staying with my folks for the Forth. See you Monday if the brain bleach works.
Hey when you get home, can you do me a solid and throw one of your pregnancy tests on my bed?
EPT or First Response?
Ate 5 hotdogs today. You need to get me back on my tequila diet cause this shit has to stop!
Bootycalls can't go limp that's like against the law
Sunday morning breakfast with the boyfriends family. I just puked in the stall at Cracker Barrell. Classy.
I guarantee you he will only fuck with old bitches from now on
Randomize
