I must have had a great time last night.. I woke up with coconut oil all over my glasses
she told me that she was curious about how cum tasted. of course i left you.
at the topless march for equality..and wow.not all these boobs should be treated equally
we took turns throwing up in the kitchen sink last night...no i am not doing the dishes
im sitting in a tub with a sombrero on.. im just kind of confused.
I bruised my spine.. Jungle gyms were clearly not meant for sex.
in my defence, i did try to get you to put your shirt back on, then you screamed at me to stop telling you what to do
I'm totally wasted about to ride water slides. That's goddamn 'Merican. That and Clint Eastwood.
If the egyptians can build pryamids men can walk on the moon and ron jeremy can sleep with all those bitches then we can finish these three handles of vodka
I'm not sure if it was the 11 shots or your naturally vibrant personality but I recall you being quite noisy that evening
I mean like if I stood up my head might pull me down like an anchor
You asked me what the point was. Told me your were dying alone and then had me take you and Wendy's where you bought 3 meals and ate them in about 10 minutes saying you didn't care if you got fat...
I used his number to look up his customer information at work. He's no longer saved as Magic Penis in my phone.
It's a good thing vaginas don't have taste buds
I’m inviting a few of my favorite manwhores to a pool party. Bring booze and wear your banana hammock so Amy can see what I’m always talking about
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