I'm having a terrible night. Can I sleep over?
Too tired to pretend that I care : (
Dude sorry i couldnt seem to spell any words right in the texts i sent you last night
I felt like a fucking code breaker.
So while she was giving me a lap dance I told her I quit med school. Just so she didn't feel like the only one who's made bad decisions in their life.
Yeudjkisdjxbfceryuj. i love having a qwerty keyboard just so i can do that.
We just saw him running from campus police a few minutes ago. So no, I don't think he's still passed out on the quad.
They poked me and kept screaming "LAUGH DOUGH BOY" it's like 3rd grade all over again.
we got plastered, then made lists of anything thats ever been in our vaginas
I know. Brad is upset because he was lower on the list than "that carrot stick"
We were on the balcony tossing jello shots to people passing below
When people said no i'd yell "i tried them i promise they aren't roofied!"
Oh god, so much rum. I think I was in a shotgun wedding with a Bacardi promotion girl.
You decided it was too difficult to walk down the stairs so you just rolled across his kitchen floor laughing like a maniac and trying to drink at the same time
It's 3 am and I'm buying cat food and batteries for my vibrator. Good thing I shaved my legs for this.
Well I'm about 60% wine, 30% pure rage and 10% tears at the moment and I'm disappointed in how little alcohol is in me
i like beer, sex, and cooking. what more can he want?
Idk what's worse.... Yesterday not waking up in my bed or today waking up in the hello kitty gown.
My new gym is popular with trophy wives. They’re talking about yachts and plastic surgery
Learn their secrets! I want to meet men with Maseratis. The meat heads and Mustangs scene is getting old
Randomize
