Crap im kindd 0f drunkk we just hooked up in a mcdonalds parking lot but i dont know why how we are here
It all came flooding back to me: there was a woman with one hand
you know i'm gay cause i'd have sex with lady gaga. what straight man would say that?
are you just going to ignore any texts involving my penis from now on? because thats going to shut down a pretty sizeable portion of our conversations.
you went all the way to UK and still managed to hook up with someone from our highschool...
You peed in the parking lot while a car was was waiting behind us. And when people walked by you proceeded to say "careful you might slip"
On a scale of one to everyone dying I say let's aim for a 7
i just traded 2 rolls of toilet paper for half a water bottle of vodka. i love college
He's cheating on his wife, and he's judging me for eating McDonalds
I heard you were walking home with taylor with your dress completely up and your ass exposed
Yeah, that sounds like my life.
There no better feeling of self control than stopping yourself before telling your girlfriend she gives head just like her sister.
Only I could host a baby shower where the cops get called.
He lives in a tent in my ex'd backyard. Why the fuck would you want any of that dirty dick?
so idk what that means but now because of me he has a police file as breaking into my apartment and sleeping in my hallway under the carpet
I guess I called her at 2am, demanding that she bring us food. She told us to order pizza, and I yelled "DON'T MENTION PIZZA!" I recall nothing.
Randomize
