I don't know where I am, but its a Goosebumps novel waiting to happen.
My parents just told me I first got drunk when I was 4. Successsssssss
So about class tomorrow..... i,ll be there. But I may be still a bit drink and wearing a suit. I'll explain when I get there.
He leaned in to kiss me and I dodged him but i fell on the floor. I guess I never got up cuz I woke up on the floor and he was in his bed
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Doctorate. Vaginahole. Cinnamon. Rainbow. Fill in the blanks in the morning.
At what point did you think the cops were actually coming to hang out with us
You cant hold me accountable for my actions when im high.
He woke up in the ambulance thinking he was still in the club.
ever have one of those nights where you feel like you should leave the house with your insurance card? that is tonight, my friend.
The mystery gender stripper never showed up with that party burrito last night.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My Valentine's Day plans just drastically changed... My F buddy just ran into my gf...in my driveway.
On my way to get pizza I followed a dog into Salvation Army where I was just hired
I'm pretty sure I imagined the dog... They still hired me
he can get married early and ruin his life but he sure as hell isn't ruining mine with a shitty bachelor party
You're the only guy I know who could convince a lady at the pharmacy to trade you her pain pills for your antibiotics.
I cannot take an uber back in my costume...can you please come get me?
You drunkenly told one of the campus security guards that you liked his headset. In return he introduced himself, lit your cig, and told us that if anyone was giving us shit to call and ask for him... Best campus security ever.
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