I just single handedly caused ferngully by printing the wrong 900 page document
I literally ate my thanksgiving dinner while getting a lapdance. And honestly, after that, there is no other way.
It was like a secret agent hookup. No names, swift execution, get in- get out.
shes perfect for him. shes never seen a penis so she has nothing to compare his to.
do you guys have 30-35 shot glasses? because if not, i don't even see a point in me coming
I returned her cell phone that I found in the bathroom, I felt the stretcher and the ambulance was enough of a learning experience.
Well I found you sipping ron diaz out of a child's dinosaur cup while sticking your fingers in the guy's fish tank and watching the "pirahnas" snap at your finger and laughing
After i black out, be a good friend and point me to the direction of a girl with daddy issues, any girl would do just fine
Actually, you don't want to see me.. reached an all time low drinking kahlua out of the bottle concealed in a macdonalds bag
Then, halfway through our conversation, I remembered what you drunkenly told me last night and was all "maintain eye contact, do not look at his massive penis".
You did profess your love for cotton multiple times and your hatred for all other fabrics
We turned a watering can into a margarita bong.
Tony's mom to him at breakfast: "I found the shirt you wore last night in the bushes this morning."
It will be too late. I will have fornicated with the enemy by then.
I woke up only wearing a Breaking Bad "Los Pollos Hermanos" apron he got from Loot Crate next to a 3 empty bottles of Zima,Jolly Ranchers, and a jar of coconut oil. Fernet is one hell of a party starter
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