i just want to meat her and do terribly wonderful things to her vagina...
is it bad that while shopping i looked specifically for clothes that hold their form after taking them off and putting them on again and again?
I think my hot accountant is wearing banana republic. I miss the days when that ='ed gay. Signals are so confusing now.
She was adopted and used to dance at Sapphire. just my speed.
it's a little hard to watch the basketball games with my family considering they keep cheering for the guy that i had a one night stand with...
He just walked in our room casually and said "big girls are hungry"
Scary. I thought trees were a lie and that someone ha permanently stenciled them into my life. No joke.
Wow, nothing is more special than changing the channel and seeing the guy who groped you on Saturday night...
We ended up debating which Food Network host would do best in porn.
I feel like I'm going to get the reputation of being the girl who brings her dog with her to all her random hookups.
I spent most of the stoned conversation with my dad proving to him that the Newfoundland is an actual dog and NOT a Snuffaluffagus-esque figment of my stoned imagination, while laughing over the fact there is actually a place caller Dildo, Canada. Have YOU taken time to be a good dad today?
But idk if I cried about life then banged him or banged him and then cried. Chicken or the egg?
Was your bare penis on or around my blanket?
My boss stocked the communal fridge with Gatorade. It's like he wants me to come in hungover.
He was walking around and kept offering the neighbors flamingo lawn ornaments shots of vodka.
Randomize
