This is not my ceiling
Sometimes, dog treats look like people treats.
I wish there was a morning after pill that made you instantly sober
i learned a valuable lesson last night. sometimes nice girls finish first. twice.
Two kids are drinking pounders in class. I think I'm hanging out with the wrong group of friends.
I wish guys would just cum water 'cause you don't have to worry about being pregnant and it'd be like a squirt gun fight
he just left. I blew him in my kitchen while my parents slept down the hall. Welcome back home!
I don't know what he did to me, but he did it wrong. I think my pelvis is broken. I cant even drive without it hurting. What. The. Fuck.
Highlight of the night was you walking into the men's room yelling "My husband is diabetic" and crawling under the stall to yell at me.
Ugh did we play golf last night and did you by chance hit my head with a club or a ball?
I was wearing my get used bookstore shirt when we fucked. Ironic yet appropriate.
Would you think less of me if I said I was eating a toaster strudel in the bath.
I'm both gender and math confused
I usually do that but weve been going unprotected with tribal fertility symbols painted above my door
He pulled out the guitar, sat in tub, and took requests while she puked her brains out in the toilet. I think he loves her.
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