the guy in front of me just bought a pound of bacon, a bouquet, and a case of budlight, i want to see THAT makeup sex
just saw a girl with a lower back tattoo of the boondock saints prayer.. i will marry her
I was going through my paperwork and I found the lifetime warranty card for my 14" dildo. I saved it. You know, just in case.
the elusive kegmastree, who's mystery is only exceeded by it's power
Someone just asked if you were the one who rode around the bar on some girls back
Goats are brash and offensive and cocky animals
Are you high and at a petting zoo again?
I'm sorry for the texts and anything that I said that may have caused confusion, pain or irritation. I shall not be drinking again. Furthermore I will not be keeping a phone on me should I fail to adhere to the prior statement.
I was just sitting on the ground alone in fetal position shivering and chewing on my hand when she found me. ecstasy was not my best idea.
We let 3 boys take us home and then we woke up in the middle of the night, stole all the coozies out of the house, a loaf of bread, a case of water, a pair of shorts, called a cab, and went home.
So our trip to Disney World ended in the three of us stripping at a gay club in orlando.
How long is enough time to schedule homosexual exploration... Like an hour?
If that orgasm indicates how the rest of the year is going to go, I need to buy rain boots.
he's so sweet and its so cute. but I swear to fuck if I let my guard down and this was all a lie I am going to become a serial killer.
Hope you’re getting action boo.
Definitely no. I woke up next to a bag of McDonald's.
Well now I’m in the bathroom puking up absinthe so guess I beat myself up over it one way or the other
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