Omg! Love it! Cant find L*****
What!!?? Like after last night you lost her?
Yea me and L***** came back to out hotel at 3am to regroup then went back out; police and 2 bars later, I don't know what happened. Vegas is nuts!
Jesus was obviously not given an itemized list of your sins before he died for them
I wasn't fucked. I was just drunk, because i was still able to walk into the woods and masterbate.
I feel like royalty, that girl from last night had a vajazzled vag. Bucket list complete.
Wedding update: no alcohol, 75% of people have left, no one is dancing, no single groomsmen, and it's 5:30. I'm going the fuck home to drink by myself.
i yelled at him for a little and we ended up fucking in a random tennis court.
What an age we live in that I can try to pick up a guy by using my phone while I'm taking a shit at work.
Free tacos and bad night are never used in the same sentence
I JUST SEARCHED GINGER COCK ON TUMBLR AND THEY'RE ALL REALLY WELL HUNG? I'M CRYING. IS THIS HOW GINGERS KEEP REPRODUCING?
WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU?
Saw a dude last night at a strip club's bar eating canned pineapple and giving tootsie pops to the girls...
You also spilled beer on my dog and tried to wipe it off with a paper towel but he kept getting away from you.
A huge penis doesn't warm the soul. Or that's what I've had to tell myself.
30% sure Kevin and I just adopted a cat. Talk to me when the sun's up but I really feel like that's a thing.
Also, for real, though? Did we even have sex or were we just jumping on the bed drunk and naked...because with me that's actually a possibility.
I love you. You know I enjoy the constant sex noises
Randomize
