her voice is like 435,765 daggers being simultaneously twisted into my eardrum
i'd rather just be hit by a car than answer her phone calls
My "High Times" magazine came in today, as well as my girlfriend's new sex toys. We're calling in sick today.
just saw bouncers outside a coffee shop. beginning to question humanity.
I pretty much gave up on you when you told me you couldn't go home yet b/c you had to stop at church first. It was 2 AM and you insisted you were late for mass.
it never fails, everytime he manages to fuck my earrings out of my ears.
I have a music final in an hour so I put all the classical songs we need to know in a shower power hour playlist, beer included.
So our 'date' consisted of getting drunk off champagne at four and photo-bombing the shit out of tourist's pictures all over the city. Thoughts?
it was like vegas minus all of the penis and death threats
He ripped off his socks and ran around the basement barefoot. His feet turned black. Then he chugged Parmesan cheese. He chugged dry cheese dude.
EMERGENCY FRIEND CRISIS: WE HAVE TOO MUCH WHISKEY. ABORT HANGING OUT WITH MELISSA, RECOMMEND TO HANG OUT WITH OUR WHISKEY INSTEAD
Oh you know, the usual. We had a good date, I took her back home, she took off my pants, laughed, and left.
Fuck me first. Then we can craft and watch Terminator 2.
So vagazzling was a success
What kind of sociopath goes to sleep at 9pm when I clearly need attention
Somehow, walking in on your drunk mom in a diaper was the least traumatic thing I saw last night
Randomize
