he only lasted three minutes, so to spite him i stayed the night and slept in.
Just found a hundred dollar bill on the ground. Hope you're looking to drink tonight
Your penis has nothing to do with my throat infection, sorry...
I had something called a trashcan. Never again. I almost fucked chewbacca.
I bought 2 40s with winning lottery tickets and they paid me $.03. 'Merica
I've had to much cheese to give a fuck about anything. im tired.
you know you've had too much sex when your vagina hurts when you laugh
I'm trying to seductively eat these M&M's to let her know its on
I did not get laid last night bc my condoms were too small. I'm allowed to be dreary
I'm only wearing socks and eating tuna, don't do this to me right now.
Friends don't let friends go vibrator shopping alone.
I just wanted a bootycall and now somehow I'm at his parents playing dominoes. But they have tequila so it's cool
All I want is dick and wine.
We just did a u turn on the highway to settle a dispute in a game of slug bug
I woke up and there is a small Irish man playing call of duty in my room. Discuss.
Randomize
