They have glow in the dark condoms. That's so scary.
Something like a penis light saber.
You know that it's no longer pregaming if you don't go anywhere, right? That's just drinking alone.
no seriously he was fingering me like he was really really frantically looking for a song on his iPod.
watching "look who's talking now." getting choked up at the end when they find each other at the cabin
doesn't that movie star kirstie alley and have talking dogs in it? new low...even for you
She's licking the seat belt now. Feeling a little uncomfortable
drunk me just left notes all around the apt to remind shitfaced me that i have mashed potatoes in the fridge. do not take them down if you come home before me.
she said i was like a little lamb and she felt bad for luring me into her den of sin. then she blew me.
Being a virgin isn't supposed to be this easy for you.
Why can't I live in a world where my only 2 options are rum bikini hot tub party or masturbating?
Bring enough bail money and little extra for tacos after
Hello, the Less Drunk that has my sister's phone. I am the Moderately Drunk. I am questioning your Friday activities. Why are you not the More Drunk?
When you were bringing him upstairs I told him to bring you on down to pound town. you're welcome.
it will be just like last year but no clogged toilets and more costumes.
Good news, finally found someone who remembers Saturday night. Bad news, everyone in the bar saw your penis
Cover your peen. We're going out.
I just spent 45 minutes and a really well-put together Power Point trying to convince her to use my dog as baby Jesus in her church's play.
Randomize
