VAGINAS EVERYWHERE
they're staring at me
I am at the point in my high where i now know/understand chinese.
I asked a girl to buy her a drink, she had I have a boyfriend, so I said, well i have a goldfish, she said what? I replied, oh I'm sorry I thought we were talking about shit that doesnt matter.
nothing like morning wood sex at 4pm. funemployment ftw
Saying we were separated at birth, got on a ship and sailed here via onion barrel from Somalia didn't help our case at all....
What makeup look will say to the therapist 'I am a smart, well-adjusted young woman'?
Remember that time I tried to pierce your nipples while high... it's like that, only with more blood... and less nipples
i mean, i offered you kinky, jungle themed sex. i don't know what else you want from me
Not sorry that my walk of shame this morning was barefoot on my scooter.
You are the tramp this city needs, but not the one it deserves.
Last night you told me you "were too high" and didn't deserve a hashbrown.
You just want to live out all your fuck fantasies with all these girls through me. I know your game. Well played sir.
...and that's why girls with IBS don't paint their nails
That moment when you sit down to shit and someone is watching porn on the other side of the wall.
Three cans of beer can fit in the shower catty... multi tasking
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