I wish my penis had an off switch
your address is 607B right?
yeah why?
i need to tell the guy bringing over the flaming bag of dog shit where to put it
all you kept yelling was "i'm bored and i'm sober"
If we're like this now and women reach their sexual peak in their 30's, I can't even fathom what our futures hold.
I'm sure that's not what the inventers of the Turkey baster had in mind, but that's what I had in mine.
while you laid on the ground I poured water into your mouth out of dog bowl some random guy walks by and said now that's what I like to see.
Living room yoga. I'm too hungover to deal with anyone else's chi today.
like he said he was barking at you while cumming in your face
I won't go into too much detail about this but you should probably wash your sheets. In bleach. Or just burn them. Thanks for letting me sleep in your bed bro. Enjoy scotland.
Hes pre-made beer lollipops so he "can suck before the sex" QUOTE!
I was wondering how I got the burn marks on my boobs and then I remembered....
The baked potato bra?
You can fuck me but I'm keeping my parka on.
I knew you were super hungover. But so hungover you fire our house cleaner because her vacuums too loud is excessive
No more pre-dentist shots, I just puked on my hygienist
Wait I can't come yet Mr. Brightside is playing
ok i defs just took my shirt off in the middle of a frat party though so keep me updated
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