No. You are not the Kate in this relationship. I will do what I want.
You threw up. And every time you flushed you would wave and go "Bye Bye!" and then when the new water came you would greet it with "Helloooo!"
Nothing quite says America like barbecue and beer at 9 in the morning.
I feel like I'm on let's make a deal. should I go with what's behind bulge number 1 or bulge number 2?
pregamed for the floor meeting. so stoned. i keep thinking my RA is shrinking.
I gave an inspirational speech to a bum and called a bride ugly at her wedding reception.
Hurry up and get here I'm judging myself
No no no...you park the car, stick your tongue down his throat, slip your number in his pocket, invite him to insomnia, and THEN LEAVE. You go from awkward to epic in a matter of seconds.
Come over. I'll eat you out and we'll make bacon.
best text I've received ever.
Running across campus through Hurricane Sandy while hammered and in a slutty cowgirl costume obviously should be top priority tonight
She gave me a roadie as we drove home from fireworks. People were still lighting off their displays as we drove by. I love America.
Omg my brain. Most recent thought: I fucking prayed in the bathroom that the other girl would leave. Prayed to Jesus
Also I literally googled "how to fold socks" so that's how my day is going. How's yours?
All I remember thinking is, why the fuck are there martians on the ceiling? And they were riding fruit. Like strawberries and shit.
I think my stomach is breaking up with me. It's giving me back everything I ever gave it.
Randomize
