we need blinds so i can safely watch porn during the day
Mission leave-the-puke-on-the-floor-til-the-dog-eats-it completed. I work smarter not harder
my step dad just called me a drunken slut..someone in my family finally understands me
Then he wanted a handjob in the car. While my cousin was driving. To krispy kreme. And there was someone else in the backseat.
Jesus...So southern.
sitting in my room in a shopping cart. they couldnt get my legs out of the holes. i want breakfast.
I brought some guy back to have cheese whiz with me. Then sent him home
Was he satisfied?
No, and very vocal about it.
Saturday morning. Went into a study room excited b/c some1 had left a paper w/ an inspirational quote: YOU ARE cApable of aChieving anything yoU waNT. Then I read the bold letters.....
Sorry I missed your call. Have a great morning.
That is a horrible way of saying good morning to someone. You basically reminded me that we did not hook up yesterday. It's bad enough I got to go to work all day with blue balls.
"I vaguely remember the Health and Safety Inspector walking into my room this morning while I was passed out naked. That's one way to get it over with quickly."
When he swipes my v card it will be comparable to my bat mitzvah. should I make sweatshirts or sweatpants?
Yo this huge scar on my head from the car accident is truly a vag magnet. Probably because I'm telling people I was attacked by a mountain lion and killed it with my bare hands. But hey when life gives you lemons, you use them to get pussy
If the world ends and i have no vodka please just kill me.
Stoner thoughts are the only thoughts I want to have now.
you would not believe who i just fucked on my lunch break
Is it bad that whip cream tastes like sex to me?
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