my room smells like sperm. sweet.
arkansas has a gas station called kum and go....story of my life
Is it just me or do I always seem to have cum in my bellybutton?
You should have seen the look on the cashiers face when I was buying steel reserve with a suit on.
Nothing says "You're all grown up now" like setting up your 401k with shitty underwear.
Foreign porn with subtitles is a little disappointing.
Considering the last guy I had sex with was gay, this was a huge improvement.
Yeah well I used to see how many bud lights I could slam down during the pledge of allegiance, my record was 4, but I could do better now.
IM A DRUNK BIRTHDAY CLEOPATRA MESS. CELEBRATE THAT BITCH
its the pipe that keeps on giving. Just when I think it's done, I scrape just enough. It's a st. Patrick's day miracle!
I feel like I could get pregnant watching Zac Efron do yard work in this movie
Why can't all sociopaths be as fabulous as me?
I just realized now that I slept with him while he was still wearing the maid costume... I've reached a new level of sexual freakness.
Are you rolling a joint while doing homework?
No, I am rolling a joint with my homework.
I think I broke my dick but 10/10 would definitely do it again.
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