is hooking up with someone you used to babysit wrong?
He’s a liberal pot smoker and perfect for me. He invented a game where we have to smoke a joint every time you hear a Middle Eastern accent on NPR.
i just hope all the shady shit stops so i can let him into my pants
and everytime i fart i feel like in your heart, you can hear it
This was all being yelled across a beer pong table as all important things should be discussed
If I had known I was gonna take my tights off and throw them over the balcony I would have shaved my legs.
If the blowjob was before the wedding, we're not technically related, right?
Plotting your own moral demise should not be this fun
the cop didnt laugh with me when he patted me down and pulled out my flask.
I woke up with cheeseburger in my mouth and a deep sense of accomplishment.
almost got into it with the cashier. bitch dont look at me like that just cuz im only buying wine and icing. ill fight.
Pizza delivery...for when you need to eat your feelings for the sex you aren't having
I can affiliate each flavor of Copenhagen to a different one night stand. I really love Texas.
I feel like him using the excuse "I'm not a fan of lying" to stop me from sleeping around is hypocritical since he's cheating on his wife with me.
i think ive been high everyday since ive met you
Randomize
