Just soaked up some whiskey with a paper towel and then squeezed it into a cup for consumption. New low.
if you don't start talking to me i'm gonna tell your gf that you said she tastes bad
i love my job...i have craft hour at my desk w twizzlers
can u grab me a application
Yeah. Fortunately, the road to Hell is paved with naked 21 year old girls.
Which beats the fuck out of good intentions.
Either I get my picture taken sitting on a fuckin pony, or I'm not coming.
all nice guys are gay and all hot ones are assholes
You're fat. Stop making excuses
So I'm probably the first guy in history to tap out of a blowjob.
i woke up with my wallet keys and phone missing and a treasure map to find them stapled to my shirt.
haha i know
I was crying hysterically and you wouldn't stop petting my ear and shushing me every time I tried to say something.
COOKIE DOUGH CUPCAKES ARE A THING
Did you really just send me a blank text in response to news as awesome as that?
you walked in on him eating me out and screamed SHE'LL BREAK YOUR HEART BRO before body slamming on the ground and passing out on the floor
If Anthony Weiner can get in trouble for sexting 2 or 3 girls I dunno how politicians will make it in 10 years.
Lol I would vote for a guy that is trying to be a senator that has a viral video of him motorboating a topless chick
I'm definitely not at Wal-Mart eating jalapeno poppers with an elevated blood alcohol content
I've been really sick the past 4 days. Last night, I actually turned down a bj. I may be dying.
Then it hit me - his penis wasn't a shiny new toy anymore and I wanted a new one.
Randomize
