plz talk dirty to me
you left your dildo in my car
rules of finders keepers apply
Fact: The drinking you do in college doesn't affect your liver in real life.
i think she is mad at you for trying to take a shit in the back seat of her car
i just ran into our bio chem professor at the bar. apparently, he doesn't follow the "no slapping your students' asses" rule.
Listening to her yell about my drinking problem is not helping my hangover.
I don't know who the girl crying at my kitchen table eating gravy from the KFC container is, but I feel like she could be my soulmate
no, i remember trying to staple my nipples together. I just can't figure out where the hell stapler came from.
He sent me a picture of his ass and said the backdoor is open. Almost grabbed my keys and a condom before I saw it was a group text. Not nearly drunk enough for his desperation.
Did you shave a certain someone in his sleep last night?
No apologies necessary. Just give me sex and Pop Tarts, and we'll call it even.
If people had ratings on Tinder I'd give you 5 out of 5 stars.
I'm peeing on your house...you up?
Question: how does one descretely ask the ice cream truck driver thats out at 10:00pm if he sells weed?
Drunk me is having trouble keeping up with sober me's standards
Randomize
