If I saw her on the street and didn't know about the two of them, I would think the only way she'd ever find love was if she somehow found her way to middle earth and an orc took her in
My stomach is making the worst sounds, probably because there is nothing but semen in it.
I gave her a mint afterward. It felt like giving turndown service at Hotel BJ.
If your dick isn't up when i get home you're catching tonight.
I didn't take her seriously until she snorted that ramen noodle flavor packet...
I dont know how to say this. But the hottest girl where im at has one arm.
1 month til my stepdad becomes a u.s. citizen, so if you want to get in on the divorce pool its your last chance, $5 a square.
Drunbk and roasting marshmallows on my stove. Accidentally singed the catr's fur but she'sd alright.
I wouldn't even cut tickets or put ppl in jail I'd just hand out punches to the mouth and Liam Neeson throat chops
What guy invites over a booty call, gets all naked and then when the real fun begins and a condom is needed, claims to not have one? And wears socks THE entire time?
This wine tastes amazing. It's like a fermented hug.
carb up bitch. we're drinking with football players.
I'll keep supplying drugs if you teach me piano.
I got a free corona t-shirt and all I had to do was drink a beer. This needs to be a more widely accepted form of currency.
There's a lady rapping at me about making healthy food choices. She lives in a refrigerator. This is not okay with me
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