I may just buy something cuz i have 6 weddings in the next year and a half.
Holy shittt I don't even have a bf
Our friend ended up naked, bleeding, requesting we throw a couch at him cause he was convinced he could block it
We did he did.
When I say naked, I mean penis exposed. Not in boxers
so remember that time i slept over and came home in the morning to realize i left my vibrator next to the faucet for parents and brothers to see? this is worse
Leave Me Alone
At least least me cry on your voice mail
I was giving him a handjob and he commented that he loved my nailpolish....I'm destined to die a fag hag
Currently coming up with judgment, the game. Works well on buses, will probably be more entertaining in bars.
please hold off on going into labor, i might need you to take me to the free clinic
You never know, some chick could have a weird unibrow fetish.
Just streaked campus for a bottle of patron...maybe you're right...I might have a drinking problem...
I left the office with a vacuum, 2 condoms and 300 dollars cash money. Tell me I don't have the most versatile job on the planet.
Remember when we made out in a Chik-Fil-A drive thru?
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like running into your ex boyfriend at the liquor store at 3 in the afternoon.
Apparently I was carrying around a bottle of listerine calling it 5 loco
Get over here and bring your drill!!! The strippers next door need help installing a stripper pole by their pool
I want to disappear from this job like a fart in the wind.💨
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