Worst sexual experience IN MY LIFE. And now i know why it makes jesus cry.
so my mom just told me that she wouldnt pick me up and take us to taco bell at 3AM...
I hope you had to get up out of bed and walk across your room to check this text message
I got drunk and applied for two credit cards last night. About to find out if anyone in this world is still dumb enough to give me credit.
yes we did fuck in his chapter room. yes it was demeaning. and yes, they probably will discuss it at chapter tonight.
He was standing in the front door with a kareoke machine yelling at the neighbors as the unloaded their van
She didn't need to know her brother was thrown out of a bar for getting head on the dance floor. You're a shit head.
You started drinking at 2:30, did you really think you would be able to remember?
I slept with someone only because he got my Simon Birch impression. It was a new low.
I want your cock.
All we are is dust in the wiiiiiiinnnnnnnnnnd
I held the blackjack dealer's hand and told the old asian woman she was 'soft to the touch, but cold as ice"
This tequila is so bad I might cry. I won't Throw up but I might cry
Just try not to have a boner when you're giving your best man speech, it will really kill the vibe
i had every intention of working out now im just drinking wine and thinking about taking nudes in my thigh high tube socks
After I chugged my beer the cop slapped my ass and said "atta girl" this can't be real life.
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