a guy named alex was hitting on my friend tonight. he doesnt work on wind turbines tho.
I was thinking about texting her and telling her I had syphilis when I was with her and that she should get tested. just for shits and giggles. skank dahaha
You're boyfriend is farting in his sleep. The last one sounded like a threat.
I had a dream that I got a gift certificate to a lavish spa from my father. I think dream dad, along with real dad, think I'm gay.
Haha, oh man. I'm awake now. Slept in my headdress.
Found out last night that "Everclear" is Spanish for "shit got weird"...
I would of joined had I not blacked out last night and ran around naked breaking things till 4 am
why do you keep saying "she looks like a porn star" like thats a bad thing?
You humped everything and cried in an uber.
2:34, make a wish! I wish I wasn't on acid at Planned Parenthood. What's yours?
We're gonna start a pole dancing competition or a bar fight. Stand by for results.
Random question, what's John-that-we-had-a-threesome-with's phone number? Don't necessarily need the full number, maybe just area code? Think I drunkenly ran into him last night and now I have texts from a John.
I looked like a tiger in heat. He didn't know if I wanted to fuck him or eat him.
Did I fall last night?
I wouldn't call it falling as much as you tried to lay on the sidewalk and proceeded to hit it face first.
I snuck a teenager into a club last nite, I felt like such a criminal. It was Awsome
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