We walk out of his house and his dad is there, so I had to meet him and shake his hand pretending that same hand hadn't been down his son's pants five minutes earlier
I wish I was that guy from the miller light commercials so I could walk into parties and take peoples beer without getting yelled at
So the answer to your question is yes, I was masturbating on the roof of my building.
Fine then. I'll just do all this coke on my own this weekend and die. It'll be strictly your fault.
6 margaritas later and free shots of tequila, i woke up with a fat lip and they said i blew my nose in a slice of bread
Is it sad I don't want to go buy $1 Mac-n-cheese cause I need to pay rent... I'm re-naming this college.
Also, peanut butter on a spoon dinner is back in existence and it is good.
I dislocated my rib eating pizza. I think I am broken.
How is it that you get into at least one taco related fight a year?
If you listen closely you can hear the sound of inbreeding and shame.
well hes been the bathroom for like 15 mins so he either feels comfortable enough to puke/ shit in my apartment or he escaped out the window
The fact that I'm going to be living with you is starting to make me worry about my heatlh.
Ya that ship has sailed dude
Life Lesson #1 of 2013: double-fisting shower beers and shaving my bikini line should be reserved for two different showers.
Just broke my no shot rule again.. Made out with a stranger. That's 0 for 3 this month for the record
If its not for food we ain't going out.
You can't leave me alone in times of distress because I will fuck things 🙈😐
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