remember when u banged some random dude twice in the back restaurant room of the bar i work at with customers still there? and woke up with an enormous highschool-sized hickey this morning? no big deal.
I woke up this morning under my fitted sheet and my legs through the sleeves of my sweater.
I couldn't even finish, she was lounder and more annoying than DJ Khaled
I'm bringing a flask to the test on friday. If I'm gonna fail at least I can enjoy the experience
We made out for three hours. Then she said she didn't sleep with redheads and left the party. So yes, I'm still drinking.
There is soup leaking out of my nose nothing in life has prepared me for this moment
I mean we had sex in a crib. You tell me how my night was.
Totally sleeping on a bloodstained mattress tonight. I love life's little adventures.
ARE YOU THINKING VAGINA THEMED RESTAURANT
The point remains that this is the setup for some great stories
Or terrible, horrifying, traumatic experiences
great clearly means different things to us
of course we called 911. an innocent mans booze was at steak
It was the cape. I can't control myself when I wear a cape.
i woke up face planted on your ottoman..thanks for letting me sleepover
One sec I was having the time of my life, the next I was shitting water
It was kind of like hidden Mickey ears, but with dicks.
Randomize
