It's not real sex if he's just convulsing inside of you.
This is your Morning Wood Report: I have it.
im holly from the hills drunk
You stressed the importance of not breaking the seal too early... and then proceeded to piss your pants when you sneezed.
Just made a makeshift menthol by rolling a listerine strip into a regular cigarette... Poor? Who, me?
I feel like I wont be making enough money to support my frivilous lifestyle of beer and mcdonalds
He was trying to be aggressive in bed, but in reality, it was like watching a declawed cat try to climb a curtain. They WANT it, they just can't DO it.
you can't tell me it's over and send me pics of you and your cat?
They won't let us do straight shots of 151 since that guy lit his face on fire.
June 16th my calendar just says boobietassels....I can only assume that has to do with you
Hiding the dark circles under my eyes this morning was like trying to hide a Beached Whale on the Couch eating Pita chips.
I'm so high. Midnight pancake breakfast in bed
hey if you're going to the hospital do you wanna pick me up a taco on your way back
A dude was barking out of one of the buildings so I barked back and he goes, "Oh shit! She barked back! Come to room 803 I'll fuck you!"
He was asleep with his head on a windowsill and you were petting his head, then you almost left the kitchen and then went back to pet him some more.
Randomize
