I love how you send me nude pics of girls you're fucking and name them by which city they're in instead of their name. "This is Nashville, this is Tupelo, this is Jackson..."
Starbucks introducing alcohol. i hear angels singing.
I had to put my glasses on last night to watch porn. SO getting lasik with my tax returns this year.
I asked her if she was the outdoorsy type, she replied "I had sex on a fourwheeler once, does that count?"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Please do NOT set off the smoke alarm when I am tied to the bed like this...
Was that picture taken before or after I supposedly punched him in the face?
Nothing says "Good Morning" like Jell-o shots and coffee cakes.
I found your Halloween costume. I think you shit yourself last night
You just can't finish a sentence that starts with "I may have drunk peed in the bed" with "do you mind if I skip work and sleep here?" Anyways, yeah still drunk at work.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I received a sext from my girlfriend, and a deal for free chips and guacamole at chipotle at the same time. I have tasted heaven, and it is beautiful.
Just bought weed from the ice cream man. The kid in front of me got a tootie fruitie.
I don't remember, but I believe your goodnight phrase was "nice meeting you, thanks for not macing me"
I helped you wax your vagina and you won't even get me Corn Nuts you fucking bitch?
did the thing where I quickly swipe right to every girl on Tinder & matched with my sis. God I hope swiping carelessly is hereditary
can we do this tomorrow? ...i accidently got high.
Randomize