woke up this morning wit a massive hangover. walked to my truck and found at least 35 for sale signs, a stop sign, and a julie kim sign...need answers
yea, you decided to become a real estate agent last night on the way home from the party. You started bitchin about how Julie Kim was stealing all your buisness....
I asked a girl to buy her a drink, she had I have a boyfriend, so I said, well i have a goldfish, she said what? I replied, oh I'm sorry I thought we were talking about shit that doesnt matter.
I just rubbed my dick on something in your apartment. Can you guess what?
You got kicked out of the strip club for spilling a tall boy on the stage and when the bouncers came to take you out you told them that they should probably go clean up your pee in the back corner cause they didn't seem to notice that
I'm sweating while I eat mac and cheese. That fat.
Me focusing on not shitting my pants is keeping me awake.
Maybe before the beach I should get a tracking chip in my arm.
Random question, but did I leave a spoon on your dresser last night?
She just shoved like three McNuggets in her mouth and started sobbing and I have no idea what's going on.
I told her I was dressed as a gag reflex judge.....she won, literally hands down.
We joked about how funny it would be if he got pulled over with 300 breakfast burritos in hus car. We walk outside of the school just as the police lights turn on and pull him over
if i don't get grease into my system pronto i will undoubtedly die
But did u die
I found an onion in my purse
Is a coke binge Whole30 approved?
would it be okay if I showed up at your house naked? and is your door unlocked?
Randomize
