i think my tv is drunk
all she kept saying was "harder" "mayo" and "who are you"
She wouldn't go home with me cause I forgot her name. I didn't realize it would matter after she danced with her vagina on my face
She said "I only hook up with guys I'm dating"
So... What happend then?
We dated for an hour, i broke up with her after. BOOM.
I just heard the term negative masterbation and I don't believe it
I almost punched the night nurse in her face. I woke up and she was standing over me.
Don't park in the garage. I installed a stripper pole while drunk and it's kinda in the way
Just coat-checked 2 backpacks full of 40's...it was the bouncer's idea.
CHAZ BONO WILL BE ON THE NEXT SEASON OF DANCING WITH THE STARS.
Internet Is back!
MY NEWS TRUMPS YOURS.
I'm with the hottest fuckin fire fighter right now. I'm ready to fake my own death.
I legit had a 15 minute convo about dinosaurs with a guy at the bar last night cuz he was wearing a jurassic park shirt
You called my nipples compassionate. What does that even mean?
If you're mature enough to fuck him you're mature enough to tell him you don't want a relationship come on
I told him the only reason I'd sleep with him is if we have a threesome because I'll need moral support
She was so happy for me that she insisted I fuck her with my Bills jersey on. THAT ACCOMMODATING
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