totally got the gold medal for the best fence jump when the cops came.
I farted on Jack's balls last night. He got pissed and walked away cause he knew it was on purpose. I couldn't hold it in anymore.
So drunk can't even tell it's my own house. WOaoOw.
If he starts "inventing" things cut him off. The last thing he invented was chocolate chip green beans and he destroyed my kitchen
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
every time fb tells me a dude i fucked is now friends with another dude ive fucked, i die a little inside. thats way more honesty than im comfortable with.
The last thing I remember was talking about the economic viability of cock ring manufacturing... we had some good ideas
we drunk the bar out of liquor so the guy was selling us bottles of wine for $2a each. Only good thing to come outta this flood
Put down the bong. Turn off Hey Arnold. Stop calling me football head.
I love you football head
We lost our room key and found it in his pocket with 3 pieces of fish.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We could have had it all. And by all I mean sex in your Toyota Corolla.
Me hangover (as projected). That sounds like a plan. Ill do it for Mexico
What's goes good with Everclear?
Pepto-Bismol and a sandwich.
His acid is intense dude. I was just over at his place laughing about the hole in the wall I was convinced was a cat
He called my IUD an IED, and said that’s why I had bomb pussy.... I didn’t correct him
Its pretty bad when you can tell twins apart by the size of their penises...
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