I don't care if he is my ex... I have the deed to his dick until someone else fucks him. We broke up 2 years ago.... I am still holding that deed!
when the lights went off, all i could see was the glowing of the camera light in the closet... i got the fuck out of there so fast.
The seats are awesome but you see two of each player.
you were mad bc i took longer then 2 minutes to finish
the people next to us in line are buying a 12 pack and a snuggie
is asking a girl out on a date while in another girls bed in poor taste?
I will never get the visual of you crying while chewing christmas lights out of my head
My drunk neighbor is arguing with a goose in his yard. This was the highlight of my day.
Do you have any pix of it limp? I wanna see the metamorphosis, like a cock caterpillar turning into a giant beautiful cock butterfly!
You handed J your Mayan-pocalypse shopping list and told him he wasn't getting laid unless he brought everything on it. Where is he supposed to get a live goat?!
You should make a checklist to ensure they are quality material. Here's mine: wearing shoes, not drunk, very hot, has teeth, speaks english. You never know
i just woke with half a bagel saran wrapped to my phone and a cookie in an envelope beside my head...
Right as the plane left the gate the brownies kicked in. I dont think the guy next to me appreciated my engine noises as we took off
like when you break up with someone your virginity slowly starts to grow back & when it's done it's like ding ding ding you're ready to date again
Oh my God it's like my cock was dipped in lava
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