Dude, I just rear-ended a cab
Are you drunk?
A little...yes
Run!
Terrible brother advice.
stupid gm bankruptcy made me miss the showcase showdown
Those cock suckers. We need to know who's winning the hot tub and the vacation to the alps
It's happening again. I feel like I'm under water and my heart beat matches "Teenage Wasteland"
For someone who "only drinks patron" your lack of pickiness with men alarms me
You know you had good weekend wheb we you hook up with three different girls and you don't feel no pain when u pee in the morning
I need a hobby that doesnt involve alcohol and my tv
i told you he always needs adult supervision he just tazered himself
someone just laughed at me while i'm laying on the floor waiting for the bus. like they've never been hungover.
He tried to make an olympic torch by lighting a corona box on top of a pool cleaner.
And the clouds opened up and the sex gods said I hate you alfalfa
I'd just like to inform all involved that walking into a liquor store holding a milk crate at the beginning of a night as stock ends badly
It's gay softball weekend. Lots of hot gay strangers to go home with.
Drunk you decided to patrol campus as the Arrow and tell random bystanders "YOU HAVE FAILED THIS CAMPUS." Campus P.D. did not join your crusade.
That explains the nerd bow & arrow...
Just had a med school interview with that doctor I fucked in college. He remembered. Asked if I still have my nipple rings. Overall, I think it went well.
If I'm not naked in the back of a cop car having sex by the end of the night, I did something wrong..
Randomize
