Your mouth is God's brothel.
why did u have a candy cane hung on your dick in the first place?
she has a santa fetish
cute.
I need a secretary to manage my drinking schedule.
I still havent gotten an apartment yet, so I crash random college parties...get so drunk and then sleep on their couch
All I wanted was a hug. You dirty, dirty whore.
I'll be in my room with a breakfast burrito at 2:30. It's up to you...
New hot neighbor boys moving in across from us...So i did the logical thing and bought two 30 packs up the hill and walked right by em. Consider the line hooked and ready to reel.
I like making it seem like it's at least a little bit difficult to hook up with me
How could she say that about my foreskin when she hasn't even seen all the cool stuff I can do with it?
Her tits are absolutely massive. Like ripleys believe it or not shit
If you got me high enough to laugh at a ceiling fan until I shat my pants you should at least have the decency to buy me another pair
I'm using her Instagram as a way to know where in town she is so I can avoid her lol
I love how encouraging you are, but I need you to stop me when the guy I'm going home with is a dead ringer for Nick Cage.
I'm surprised this is your first encounter with pepper spray. surprised, and somewhat proud.
I can't be sure but I think I slept with a clown last night...
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