my vagina has a 5:00 shadow
I just got wrote up for "repeatedly smelling like alcohol"
That was long passed due.
after the cops left he pulled the weed out of his ass and we smoked it
You've had your dick in my mouth. I don't think there are all that many barriers in our friendship at this point.
I used puppy pads next to the couch for her to throw up on....
I feel like he's only with me because no one else would blow him.
I feel a five day drunk coming on.
No I just rolled on the floor giggling. I think that's the equivalent to a post sex victory dance.
Last night I was this close to hooking up with someone called "Handjob Pat" dubbed for the time he paid $150 for a handjob in Canada.
My dad sent me a 10 ft beer bong and my mom sent me ideas for future careers. I'll let you guess who my favorite parent is. Also, come over tonight. and bring beers.
My skirt was too short for the church and I brought my flask to the Scrooge play. God bless us, everyone!
Fuck that guy and his dumb haircut and awesome dick
The man who almost made us Eskimo sisters is getting married. Of course I'll be your date. We need to toast the end of his sex life!
Don't be upset because I bitch slapped you with intelligence
She flirted with a pilot and a frat boy at the airport in Vegas and told our bartender his mask matched her panties so yeah I’d say she’s rebounding from the divorce
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