So I have exactly 420 dollars saved up in tips from the past week. I win, and I take that as a sign from god that I am allowed to use that money to buy drugs.
I don't know. The next thing I remember we were in the walmart parking lot making out.
i'm thankful for my girlfriend's hot cousins....god, i love her family parties.
you pissed in a zip-loc bag and wanted 60 dollars for it
that's not even the weird part though. he already knew where the bathroom was, he might have been here before..
Who the hell poured a whole pouch of Capri Sun down my throat last night?
Driving by his house every hour is not stalking, it's a reconnaissance mission... How else can I confront him
he had me stop mid-blow job to make me use my phone to id a song on the radio..
i wasnt really sure how to responde to that.
Just had to buy plan b w/ my robotic baby from family living.. Awkward.
That point of drunk where you're in a bar bathroom and you're like "F*ck you bra! I'm not taking your sh*t anymore! and you take it off and throw it in a trashcan.
I don't think the best pickup line was. Hey I have never made a girl orgasm before but I'm sure it will work on someone like you.
Because nothing screams stable like yelling at a guy in a bar because last time you hooked up he stole your underwear.
I'm texting an actual stripper. A male stripper. I dont wanna talk about it yet
She sent me a pic wearing only my batman cape. She stole my cape dude!
id like to think im the only pot dealing prostitute that is also an ordained minister. but maybe not. what a time to be alive
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