OMG I just tried to text you something dirty but accidentally texted the obama campaign
what's the vibe there?
extraordinary amounts of gine
I look like Roseanne just got in a bar fight with Rosie O'Donnell.
the last thing i remember is unlocking the door. its like i was literally opening the door to my blackout
i decided what we are doing for your 21st b-day: camelbacks filled with margaritas
You told me to pour the Gatorade on you "like Flashdance"
I took shots of absinthe with my mom just now. Except awful things.
We don't really communicate like that.
Communicate like what?
Communicate like people who want to see each other when their genitals are inside their pants.
I did sing regulators with a random black dude at The Rail without looking at the screen, hugged him and walked off stage. I pretty much live up to all expectations.
You know the cave of wonders in Aladdin? That's how I feel about his apartment. Except with blow and other treasures.
Halfway through she said I was exactly like she imagined. So many things have been stroked this night.
"Fuck all you guys I'm going to be Cameltoe Spider-Man for Halloween."
You're the best thing in my life, followed closely by cannabis and trashy romance novels
he made that chewbacca noise when he came. like father like son i guess.
You’ve seen my tits of course he broke his wedding vows
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