I swear she didn't look like that last week.
how do you have sooo much energy?
billy mays threw in a lil somethin extra when i ordered some oxiclean last week
just found my old 10th grade stash of beer in a shoebox. guess who's getting trashed tonight
I was blowdrying my hair this morning and I swear to god it smelled like franzia
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Too lazy to make dinner. Had chocolate and scotch instead. Check in with me in a half hour.
We need large glitter to throw at people to signify our mystic nature
Fuck their feelings and their drinks they will get hit with sparkly confetti
Clearly the ONLY reason why you were voted employee of the month is because of your upside-down beer funneling skills.
We had to take the hinges off the bathroom door. Needless to say, you are no longer welcome at that bar
Most girls get hit on with a $7.00 drink. You get hit on with a $750K plane.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Well the good news is ill probably have my new boobs by the time he sees me naked
Reminding you of hookups your brain is trying to suppress. That's what friends are fooooooooor...
Will you be doing the frenzied booty dance of passionate ownage on my penis tonight
I want you to know I am at work super hungover and I threw up in the mop sink. I feel like you will appreciate this
You're my fucking hero
I think we have some hyper-understanding of each other when drunk, because looking back at our text convo from last night, they were literally just jumbled letters.
she's 6'2. you bet your ass i slept with her.
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