I'm think I may have given your ex's number to a convicted sex offender.
Win!
Why is it that you only get to have sex when you haven't shaved your legs in six weeks and are wearing period stained granny panties?
just throwing this out there: period starts tomorrow sooo either sex tonight or not until tues/weds.
i get a bj anyways so it's really your choice.
k i'll be over in 5.
i'm in the guys across the halls apartment. i think 7 MIP guy wants me. he just got a medical marijuana card. might be worth it.
Planned Parenthood should have gift certificates.
someone put bongwater in my humidifier again THIS NEEDS TO STOP
It's not every day you get to see a girl fuck herself with a pickle.
There is a limo involved. Man up, and make yourself puke. Its only one more night of blacking out.
We could make it cute. Like "oh those two cute lesbians who are about five foot two who sell the cocaine down the street. You know the ones? With the Yorkies?"
Went outside and he was playing rock paper scissors with a cop over a drunk in public ticket.
I did get to watch you pee, tho. That counts as another precious moment.
By the power invested in me i promise you hot wedding sex at my wedding.
Worst date ever. Bro she asked when we can start having kids because her clock was ticking.
Run dude. Just run
As we were walking to her place she stole a pizza from the delivery guy's car and when we got home she grabbed a slice, two beers, removed her pants, and said "call of duty?" im going to marry her
Either my apartment is haunted or I'm far more drunk than I thought
Randomize
