I'm pretty sure there's seven mailboxes in the bathtub...
I couldn't remember if it was hamsters or Iraq that you hated. I'm so sorry.
just saw a man remove a wedgie from his lady's ass. who says chivalry is dead.
we live in such a classy society.
I came home to the cats covered in paint and he was asleep in the tub with a firefighters hat on.
You weren't just peeing. You were like grinding on it. And you tried to pee in the washing machine first.
you should have seen it. it was just a bunch of guys in togas chanting the username and password to a brazzers account we all share. best thing that has happened to our group
I send out my deepest condolences for seeing my ass last night.
I mean I love some drunk compliments, but he just wasn't up to my low standards.
Ask her if it hurt when she broke through earths crust as she ascended from hell
Oh my god, it's like someone broke the off button in my butthole
Like I owe him sex. Hell fucking no. I owe myself sex. With a celebrity. Or a clean pornstar. Who knows.
Sometimes intelligent conversation doesn't mix well with a romantic interest. It's possible the two are best kept separate. Toys should just stay in the toy box.
You're not talking any sense into me. You're cheering me on to disaster.
... is that not half the reason I'm your best friend in the first place?
I still hate everything and everyone around me. Krampus taught me nothing.
I'm disproportionately drunk. But I also spelled disproportionately right twice so maybe I'm not that drunk
Randomize
