Girls gone wild is like the hills, except sexy and it doesnt suck
I want to make Jon&Kate babies with him. Not in quantity, but in percentage asian.
Caught my drug dealer jacking off. I think this is a new step in our relationship
Yeaaah. I'm kinda wary about that guy. Does he still have that taser that he found on the train?
She just licked her nipple in public to get a free bar tab.
apparently the last bar didn't like my halloween costume with syringes filled with whiskey
I can feel myself smiling like 10 minutes after I stop smiling, and that's just like... so awesome.
No, no... it's pale and surrounded by awkward, curly, red hair. It's the Ronald McDonald of penises.
If he breaks up with me, your job is to keep me drunk and make sure I don't sleep with anyone. Ok?
She keeps feeding me drugs. Its like I'm her baby bird or something
Is it possible to break your brain with drugs?
I work 80 hours a week to prevent myself from just laying in bed and masturbating all day. It's a hands off strategy.
The last thing I remember is being given a cup full of absinthe and deciding I needed to wear my tool belt
You were returned to the hotel by someone wearing a priest costume and carrying knives.
Pillow talk?
can't do it. no eye contact either.
Where have you been all my life
Teacher vividly described one of the times he did shrooms, sat down, sighed, and told everyone to go do drugs and let us out 15 minutes into class. I love community colleges
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