i have some very unhappy turtles in my backseat
I just woke up and shes still asleep next to me with her vibrator inside her and on. Whats normal protocol for this situation?
MTV Made just made me cry. Where have all of my life goals gone?
I made the bartender pinky promise me there was still vodka in my drinks.
He was supposed to take me to a nice dinner, but istead all he did was get drunk and throw lit fireworks at me.
Beer bonged 7 shots of Jameson. I title this night short stories with tragic endings.
I guess since this is supposed to be my year of the lesbian it's okay
thanks for waiting 12 hours to ask if I was in a ditch or not
Just witnessed a bar fight started by a guy wearing a construction vest cuz he didn't like the other guys shirt
Is it love? I honestly haven't even thought about watching porn for over a week now, and haven't thought about fucking any strangers either. It's quite eerie.
BTW send me your address and size of condoms you wish your lover was-- "if you build it, they will come"
If I die, let him know that his penis was the last penis I saw. And I'm happy about that.
I'm a history major and he's the descendant of TWO presidents. Did you really think I wasn't going to sleep with him?
Last night I ate a candle out of a strippers ass.... I guess it was an okay night.
I blacked out after the piñata full of condoms
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