We stole some shitttt from king sooper's. fuck yeaaa
what did you steal
frozen pizza, cat litter, and preperation H. not much different than my usual grocery list.
can you explain to me why you commented on every one of my profile pics with "tits and beer ftw" please and thank you.
Walked into this guys room, saw a tickle me elmo under his desk with white stains in its mouth. This is awkward.
I'm 99% sure that for 3 hours I thought you were British. We must smoke that again.
I cannot remember December 31 for the past 3 years. it might as well not even exist on my calendar anymore
Buying Plan B right after a lecture on feminism. It's nice to know who I can thank for that right.
I saw he had me in his phone as "the fat twin"
I woke up using a pile of socks as a pillow. I think theyre clean so thats a plus.
in a garage, wearing a toga, theyre debating the logistics of Coke Pong. If I don't make it out of here... it was me who stole your Barbie in the 4th grade- I've never forgiven myself.
Walk of shaming dressed as a zombie hunter. This hangover feels like the actual apocalypse.
Just cause I'm shitfaced wasted every night waking up in random beds all over Manhattan does not mean I'm a mess.
Truth. Respect the hustle.
That moment when you see yourself in a security camera feed and realize you forgot a bra. And pants.
We're going to get naked and build a fort instead. HAPPY NEW YEAR!
The amount of guys I've turned down for you is disgusting... You better love me.
long story short, he tried to fuck me standing up, toppled over, and now I have four stitches next to my eye
Randomize
