he was screaming in a recently acquired accent that he paid for delivery and they could cancel the entire order if they didn't come upstairs
I thought you said it was going to get worse not hilarious.
the delivery boy turned out to be my students mother. now she knows that i have incredibly low standards AND thanks to the fact that he still has dialup the pizza tracker was way off and she rang the bell and he answered mid bong rip.
I woke up to him eating cereal out of my viking helmet with a shot glass. No idea where he got the milk.
Sex with him was like teaching a two year old how to work a machine gun
I'm this close to masturbating to his profile pics from 2006
I'm like a savant for remembering names I learned while I was drunk. Seriously, I'm three for three. I'm on a roll.
I'm reffing a fight in Fight Club I don't even know what I'm doing
Oh you know same old same old. just eating pizza after faking extreme night terrors to get a one night stand to leave my apartment
I just conducted a skype meeting drunk and in the middle of a cornfield. I don't even think they noticed.
But I REALLY want to hide my crazy for as long as possible with him so he'll date me.
At some point he mentioned fried rice and take out... I don't think we know how sexting works
saying, "have a good fall!" After fucking a virgin boy is good etiquette, right?
I will pay you in sex, beer and popcorn if you will come fold my clothes for me.
Add free use of your panini press and its a deal.
Deal.
You got naked in his car? Or the koala suit was in his car? One of those sounds a lot less slutty than the other......
Im so drunk and the cops showed up so i ran on all 4's through the woods because i had no shoes hoping they would mistake me for a fox
Ewe he just snapped me a pic of his butt crack.. Should I be concerned?
Randomize
