oh. my. god. the guy i hooked up with last night is currently wearing a dress.
i stole $50 bucks from my girlfriends purse to pay for my other girls abortion pill...shes gonna be pissed
Something growled at me in your dark backyard last nt. Hoping it was my landwalking laser sharks and not Andy.
my mom found me this morning spread out like jesus sleeping on the living room floor. i had a piece of bread over my eyes to block the light out
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
At least I tried to be smart when I brought the alarm clock into the bathroom just in case I fell asleep.
I might have to break the "you stay out of my sister and ill stay out of yours" pact that i have with tim
Her mom walked into the garage as we were smoking a kush blunt with sombreros on.
You told her to step on the scale because you had whiskey goggles, and scales don't lie.
Two things: Why did I wake up in a pool of blood? And am I still invited to the wedding?
No idea. And yes be here at 4
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Well he can play the xylophone with his erect cock... So he's got that going for him
In case you were wondering, yes I did just watch the Katy Perry movie alone on a Saturday night. I'm so alone it makes a noise.
I told him he was like my favorite pair of jeans; I may not wear them every day, but I'll never get rid of them and they make my ass look fantastic. Needless to say he was not thrilled.
sorry for the random call. He stopped mid-sex because he wanted confirmation that I was really a reverend.
I really would enjoy sexual intercourse with you.
Most formal booty call EVER
Every time I see this chick she's swimming naked at a pool party. That's gotta mean something right?
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