so now that im really awake i see that my underwear are completely ripped down the side, my shorts are on backwards, i have to go get plan b....i call last night an epic fail or success depending on how catholic i am feeling
If there's anything in this world better than hotboxing in the rain I haven't found it yet.
Agreed
anal on a first date. tsk tsk.
dude i feel like at any given point 3/5 of that family is trying to fuck you
It's official. I now have that "I was drunk and needed the money" college story to share later in life.
do you remember the combo for the lock to my pants?
I just pictured ballsacks being shoveled into the furnace of the Titanic.
He made me brush his hair afterwards because it made him feel like a ken Barbie.
God I hope the sex was good.
Just for the record, you referenced Harry Potter while complaining about being torn between the Slytherin (lesbians) and Gryffindor (your mostly straight friends) houses (tables)
Thanks for bringing that stuff to help me feel better...you know, the water, the Gatorade, and the dick. You really are the best friend ever.
I think the highlight of my night is when I was eating a mayonnaise sandwich. drunk me was on point.
I didn't even respond. Just letting the crazy settle before I calmly fuck his shit up.
I was told I look like trouble once and that was by a fireman at the sex show. I was carrying two beers and a penis pinata.
He said I was so drunk and high that I had a conversation w/ his goldfish. The video shows me clearly conversing as if talking to a person w/ pauses in conversation and everything
I'm currently using a band-aid to cover my bar stamp from last night while I ask my professor for an extension. That's a sign of getting more responsible, right?
Randomize
