I believe that I finger-banged my way to the top of the corporate ladder.
he sent me a naked picture of himself. things got awkward really quickly. but on a positive note he shaved his chest
okay, prove you're not drunk to me. write 5 true sentences about me with correct grammar.
I am sober. Because I don't drunk. It is bad. People die. I like Domenico because o he bag women what up?
Giving the kids Children's Claritin and calling it candy.....Is it setting them up for drug abuse later?
The boys in front of me put beer, red plastic cups, ping pong balls, lighterfluid, and twelve packs of pantyhose on the conveyor belt. Whatever drinking game they're playing, I want a part in.
I woke up and there is a food processor in my purse. Someone else's framed family photo. My front door is wide open and my gerbil is playing in the water bong.
Yeah I'm going to bathe him.
You going to have to be more specific than the night we blew an 8ball off the toilet..
when I sang my humps to you I meant it.
It's all good. Going back to my room to try and air out my balls.
I legitimately had a champagne shower last night at a rave. I was also carrying around two bananas in my pockets like guns. Drunk doesn't even. Begin to explain My night.
I'm just going to have crazy good sex with him until one of us developed feelings that works in the movies right?
i thought this was a perfectly normal conversation between two adult men about why this children's cartoon is quality television but no you just gotta be talking shit again
You were pretty conviced that my dog was a spanish child and kept trying to read him the news from your iphone app
Should I bring my 4 pairs of bunny ears? Or is that too weird?
4 pairs might be a bit much
I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
Randomize
