So I got my period. Finally. In related news, I reinstated my belief in God.
you kept telling everyone that you were the mayor of silverware town
You couldn't find any paper towel to clean up the wine you spilled, so you tried to use her cat.
ooh i remember now. Not very absorbent.
while we were having sex she stopped and said, "god is always watching". Then she started again with no other words said. We were fucked up.
Because it is about to snow, I sent him for Diet Coke and cigarettes. It's the gay version of milk and bread.
Is it sad I don't want to go buy $1 Mac-n-cheese cause I need to pay rent... I'm re-naming this college.
Also, peanut butter on a spoon dinner is back in existence and it is good.
Just got blown in a rental car. I need to get rear ended more often
And I was aware of my actions - that is not a penis I will say no to until I have a ring on my finger
So after your set last night some 42 year old woman bought me a drink, professed her love for your music, and then made out with me last night because she thought I was you. Thank you.
Sorry I couldn't make it...got a scrambled voicemail, all I heard was "Bring the dildo"
Where'd you go last night?
Don't EVER let me photobomb a group of lesbians again. They made me their "straight mascot" and I ended up singing Donna summer tunes for beers at their apartment complex.
Whip out the absinthe and the taquitos, this motherfucker just passed the bar.
So this is what it's like to wake up with someone else's blood in your nose...
I thought the dude was just really enjoying his piss but apparently he was jerkin off into the urinal.
Oh man I knew I took that Molly too soon, talkin to some Scottish people lol but don’t like rollin in pizza restaurants.
Randomize
