I just am on my way home.. i had 3 and one startd crying and puking.. so they went home. one bitch fuckin ruined it for evryone.. u playin cards?
Just made out with a pet sitter. His biz card says "even hamsters". Lowest point in my life.
You smell like stripper and shame
Somehow last night, my dad got me so drunk that I ended up throwing up on the couch, turning the cushions over to hide it, and going to sleep on them.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Yeah... I was considering changing that part but the boxed wine is non-negotiable.
She drove all the way from Austin to have sex with me. I think it's a safe assumption my dick will have an easy life in college.
I even got my dealer to make gluten free special cookies ;-)
I just smoked a bowl with the lady who runs the special olympics. Your move.
When and where the fuck did we get a beach ball??
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm moving out of my place and I just gave my mom a couch that I had sex on last night. Reduce, reuse, recycle at its best.
They live across the street from a school baseball field so they have porter potties across the street and let's just say that I'm grateful they exist
I stopped for beer and woke up to a bird on my shoulder. I really need to stop drinking
People try and tell me I never learn me lesson, well that's a bunch of crap. I asked for Monday off for Superbowl recovery based on my experience last year.
I'm in Home Depot and I can feel the straight bob the builders staring at me. I bet it's like I have a rainbow arrow pointing at me.
CALL ME OLD FASHIONED BUT PEE IS FOR TOILETS
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