i really like this girl i slept with last night
you ask her out again?
yeah but she said she is busy next weekend getting married
First guy to fuck a girl in the new tool shed. Her underwear is on the shovel hook.
And then he asked the cop "shall i shut off the lady gaga?" as he was being frisked.
after he came i started crying. just to fuck with his head.
Well if I fail my finals for being drunk on Cinco De Mayo there is always next year to graduate.
You said that last year...
I was tackling you out of excitement
Yeah thank goodness the stripper pole was there to break my fall.
I just opened my filing cabinet at work for the first time in months. It looks just like my pantry: nothing but peanut butter and whiskey.
There are eight sets of guys I've made out with who have the same name. It's like noah's ark in my mouth.
You have plans tonight?
Stress crying into a bottle of long island ice tea mix...other than that nope
All of her cloths were on our coffee table this morning. The only things she left with last night were her shoes and Scott
One day this summer I just wanna get blown under the hot sun all day.
Deal. Roof-top 69 on Saturday, July 20th. I've got it in my calendar.
Sorry I just took 4 pills about 20 minutes ago so I'm feeling like a claw machine like people tell me were I need to go and what to do and I'm just like yes sir so I get the teddy bear but I set it on fire and it's kinda black on one side and there might be smoke coming off it.
I take pride in being a married 31 year old who sleeps on her best friend's bathroom floor from time to time.
The first crop top of the year and you're rocking it in the ER. #ratchet
What is my life?
I just had to close my blinds so my neighbors wouldn't see me drinking a beer at 9 am. GO CHIEFS!
Randomize
