I have to get up uber early tomorrow. Which is why I started drinking early today
I took Valium worth by frank. I squabble
Li shadha you vin. It's phot out. I just ate a fried Oreo
I'm trying to bond with my sister... Its like getting to know a person I never met that I don't like
swear to god, just saw some chick dressed in a full chicken costume buying eggs and telling the cashier that she "just wants her babies back."
buy whatever she's on. a lot of it.
You tried to tell me you weren't high while you were eating French onion dip out of the jar with a spoon
He was trying to put his hand up my shirt but I remembered the coke was stashed in my bra so I moved his hand to my pants
I answered the my mom's phone call about what we're doing for father's day while he was still fucking me. She thought I seemed really excited about his hiking boots present.
I swallowed for you. Answer the phone.
Our house almost burnt down last night. I woke up at 4:10am to the smoke alarm going off bc the bean bag chair was on fire so i extinguished it and smoked a bowl at 4:20 to celebrate my fire extinguishing abilities
I think my body knows it's dying and is just shutting down
but seriously, an anthropology paper shouldn't be hard if you're trashed, right?
I've seen you go skiing on a Tuesday, but you think you're too good for TGI Friday's?
I peed in Andys sink the other day bc I didnt want him to hear me pee
i'm not sure you can trust me in a car with 20 dozen donuts
Jack and I got in a huge fight at 6am. He fell asleep when I was giving him head so I freaked. We were both black out so I made a memo in my phone reminding me
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