Yea. The knew something was up when i told them i had to go pick up goat milk and and and a roasted chicken at 2 am
i just woke up and "where the fuck is taco bell" was in my search engine...
puked in the new hous. now it's officially home.
On a list of weird places to get a bj, how weird is in the basement of a pharmacy
you are my new fav person for making him do the walk of shame in pink footie pajamas!
All i have left of him are the magnum X-Large condoms he left in my room, knowing full well that no other guy I hook up with will be able to fill his shoes. He taunts me.
I pretty much have hash tequila and gelato for dinner every night
rumor has it I kept asking you to go to the "tall grass" with me...sorry about that.
I won't be able to make it. Too hung over. Can't hold down fluids. I'm in the bathtub trying to hydrate my body through osmosis. And yes, Tequila Tuesday is totally still on for tonight.
And then he tried to clean the throw up off my pants with 409
She had her insurance card taped to her arm because it was the only thing she "couldn't take off and lose"
Things i learned at work today: do not put mayonaise on a tattoo, it will get infected.
They were loudly fucking last night and there was way too much conversation involved. It wasn't even dirty talk, it was more like "your doing it wrong" talk
I got dressed on his front steps, peed on his neighbors lawn, then did a shoeless walk of shame home at 5am...
I'm literally about to create a tinder account. Just so someone drives me to get food.
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