Also my back is semi rug burned and I'm holding you fully responsible.
I would love to give you more rug burn
she just made a shot glass out of magazine paper. I love her.
Found my puke from September encrusted to the floor under the dresser while cleaning before move out ..... Oh Freshman year
she kept peeing on everything and yelling it was now her property.
You poured your drink on yourself and then said "it's not a party until I'm wet"
You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
Note to self, stop going out with self absorbed bisexuals
After he finished he sang his college fight song like it was some victory
I went full Overly Attached Girlfriend. You never go full OAG.
Dude, you vomitted into a trashcan wearing your bear hands and high heels. Your drug dealer even said that was rough.
This power is too much for most humans to handle safely. It's like having the nuclear launch codes, except it's my penis.
I didn't have time to wash my hair yesterday. Ended up spraying some Febreeze on it.
i want george washington to fuck me as hard as he can holy shit
I have jizz, in my hair. I'm sitting in class with jizz. In. My. Hair. I need to make better life choices.
Can I come kidnap you from work so we can chug mimosas? My little brother has a ski mask I can borrow.
Randomize
