I just remembered we were doing butt clenching exercising with bar straws last night
It's official. Every guy I've slept with has been to jail.
I think I'm pregnant with his hipster baby. It keeps kicking my stomach to the beat of mgmt songs.
Just saw a british exchange student take a flyer for free dental care. Yes.
Not cool at all. Last night I organized my condoms by expiration date. I need to get laid.
My little brother got home at 4am too, we drunk ate together. It was a kodak moment.
That combination of brocholi bacon eggs cheese ketchup and pasta would have been a revaltion had you not thrown up on the stove and put out the pilot light
My last google search of the night was "Things that cost $102.50"
First week back and I made to one class, its gonna be okay after all.
She's on her way over to shave my year round sweater vest into a festive argyle sweater vest. Keeper?
I think I'm in the negatives for the quantity of fucks given today.
Tempting guys with beer and cheese. How Midwestern are we?
Just found the measuring tape in my bathroom. How drunk could I have possibly been on Saturday?!
He had to put his grandma's photo away before I tied him to the bed. She doesn't need to see any of that.
Fine I'll cuddle you but only for the purpose of trying to survive
Randomize
