Only now do I see "not intended for use on skin" warning. Wonderful. But hey, my dick smells like magic marker.
Dude, I just saw a sixteen year old girl in a catholic school uniform buying a pregnancy test... With a coupon!
and if it starts getting weird im just going to tell him i used to be a man
We're smoking a joint the size of the average penis right now. I may not survive.
Homegirl just dropped a candle on the floor major party foul. Thought it make you feel better.
I just made my roommate a 'Hope you don't have chlamydia' cake.
Make one for john too.
You said that you were drinking out of a pan, and then went on to apologise to 'Jesus and all the other guys' for drinking on a Sunday.
my dad just paid them in porn...i no longer feel guilty for getting hammered and not helping
These people don't understand my stages of drunk
How was the picnic?
We played softball, except our team sucked. In one hand was a mitt, the other a beer.
Why didn't you put them down?
No beer left behind.
So I just crossed my legs and I was like what is this lump on my leg? Oooh its my underwear from last time I wore these jeans...
I want to show up to tomorrow's study group looking like I got hit by a train. A train made of dicks.
Life without a bra equals bliss.
So i woke up this morning to find my boss passed out on my living room floor.. Awkward? Haha
We never leave a bad bitch behind. its a party foul..we'll find you somehow
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