Come put a leash on your gf. She just challenged 8 cops to a wrestling match for 'tag team champion of the world'
He said "what's the haps". I don't know what the haps are but there goes his chances
I could see myself reflected in his wedding band as i was going down on him.
I awoke this morning to a naked boyfriend flying a remote controlled shark around his apartment. This is my life.
He has in a pan: ten pieces of bacon, two cloves of garlic, an egg (not scrambled or hard boiled, just an egg) and frozen corn.
He told me he wanted to show me something beautiful, then just started peeing off the bridge into oncoming traffic
They let me close the tennis center alone. It's a 6-minute drive from 2 of my booty calls. Scratch tennis court bj off the bucket list.
She said she had a surprise for me and sent me a video of her having sex with some fat dude. It was a mood killer
I may or may not have definitely said the words "how do I put this beer in my purse without looking like an alcoholic" last night.
I made him dress me after we fucked. He put me in TMNT pants and then told me I looked hot.
I think my biggest regret in life is not banging you in the science museum
I mean, I was going to use them for a beading project, but I guess I could take one and let you bat my dick around like a cat toy.
I got so drunk last night that I was drunk in my dream. Good night
I hooked up with a sophomore, passed out at midnight, and apparently drunkenly peed on Nicole's wedding invitation
My New Year's resolution consists of less weekday hangovers, more sex, and more money.
Randomize
