Puked in a plastic neiman Marcus bag while driving. My biggest accomplishment yet
Getting blown during the Cavs game doesn't make it any less depressing.
It was either a cute kinda butch tomgirl or a really fem guy. Either way, I made out with it. Bisexuality, my best friend.
Looking at an apartment in Houston. It's right beside my favorite bar and the zoo. Best or worst decision?
it's gotten to the point where there are no existing good choices. even our good choices are bad choice by anyone's standards but ours.
Based on the grey fur I pulled from my teeth, I think her vagina has mice.
He's scared I want a relationship? How does texting him at three am and sleeping with four of my exes symbolize that?
Just saw a dude dressed as captain america driving down the highway. He saluted me.
Woke up backwards on a recliner
Do I need to call and sing lullabies? Because that's creepy, but I'm a really good friend.
Dude. He almost took three different girls home, all while dressed up as Amy Winehouse. If he goes as Kurt Cobain next weekend, we're screwed.
Glitter fights sound a lot funner in theory.
I have hobbies that aren't destroying myself and others...i can make hats.....
So, i might have left my morals back in 2011.
I swear to God if you start calling your dick “my pegasus” we’re not friends anymore
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