dude, you're never picky with who you hook up with, have a little dignity
nah man, chicks are like pokemon, gotta catch \'em all
Fair warning.. porn on your laptop when you turn it on.. seemed like a wonderful idea last night.. until it died
saw a man at the beach in a red speedo. when he rolled over he unintentionally displayed a HUGE skid mark.
Do you know how awkward it is to call the bar from last night and ask if they found my leggings?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
They called me at 5 AM saying they had a present for me
i think maybe i'll just not watch it. i'd rather not think of you as a magical transforming set of dick holes.
I never knew so many sexual things could be done while wearing footie pajamas
If I had that in my pants Omg I would want a shirt made so everyone knew
So to add to headbutting the microwave while waiting for my hot pockets to cook. I apparently told both bartenders earlier in the night I was going to fuck them both. I hate black out drunk me..
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So, what my linguistics project should really be called is "I happen to sleep/makeout with a lot of bilinguals and am now using them to help me graduate"
Yes. Ice cream tacos are an important aspect in the bridge of friendship
Drunk you needs to learn how to call sober me, so sober me can talk your drunk vagina down.
I AM A SEXUAL NIGHTMARE
YALL MOTHERFUCKERS WANNA WATCH HEAVY METAL AND SMOKE WEED AND PLAY POOL AND DRINK BEER AND SMOKE WEED
It's done, I'm done, goodbye veneer of class and dignity it was nice knowing you
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