I was actually kinda bummed my STD test came back negative.
That would have been proof he'd slept with the stripper. Lame.
I feel like I should put "don't judge me" in the special instructions for the pizza guy.
I wish i had more things to dip in ranch... That's the most stoner thing i've ever said
Or they can chase TEQUILA shots with it. I don't know why my phone capitalizes TEQUILA.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I called her new haircut "lesbian progressive" and now she's upset
My afternoon will now be spent googling genital warts. I think my life is over.
It's ok I'm watering my plants with a 40 in my camelback, people are staring
I have a cut on my head from a tambourine.
The extent of "getting it in" was this creepy guy sticking his finger in my bellybutton
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Actually let's just focus our energy on not getting committed to a psych ward.
how does someone with a Masters Degree leave poop in an ashtray in the sink? It just blows my mind
You guys go ahead and have your romantic night. I'm gonna keep my vday tradition alive of angry banging a stranger.
I PUT IT IN THE UNIVERSE THAT I WANTED TO STAB HIM AND THEN SOMEONE DID! KARMA IS A BITCH AND SHE IS BEAUTIFUL!
Get here now. I need a drinking buddy. I don't care if you're in a different timezone, it'll be five o clock here faster.
Is it bad when your own grandmother calls you a whore?
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