i just remebered what i did last night, i asked a homeless man on a bike "hey whatcha doin with that bike, wanna make 5 bucks?" he agreed and then rode me on his handle bars a block away to the next bar.
I KNOW you don't honestly think you can pay me back in lotto tickets.
I just realized I used lady gaga lyrics in my research paper on marie antoinette
That's a really weird place to spoon. Especially if there are more accessible places to spoon. Like a bathtub.
you are getting stockholm syndrome from your pubes
I don't give a shit if she's homeless, if you're gunna live outside el pollo loco and act like a bitch I'm squirting you with my water bottle
I just power puked in the office bathroom.. blew blood vessels in my eyes and now I'm ready for a donut.... success
In all honesty the person most likely to secretly slip me drugs would be ... Me
Apparently she almost had an affair at Outback Steakhouse, details to follow when I get home but the apple really doesn't fall far from the tree
I'm missing my left shoe, and there's a note on my foot (in my handwriting) that says "HAHA BITCH" Any explanation for this?
Split a bottle of Johnny Walker and then decided to eat a shit ton of peanut butter. That was a rough bed to wake up in
there are not enough nopes in the world for that situation.
His name was Dragon. For real. How do you not sleep with a Dragon? Don't judge me.
What am I thankful for..I figured out I can drink on antibiotics without getting sick thanks to the power of pot gummies
There is no way entering a gas station bathroom memorializing an alien abduction in rural New Hampshire is a good idea.
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