Donna and I are betting on whether or not you are going to cheat on your boyfriend tonight....I said you wouldnt do it.
You might as well just give her the money now.
I thought I broke my iPhone. I was almost as depressed as the day I broke my vibrator.
This was worse than the time that I shot a bald eagle.
I just found out that AAA will pick you up if you're drunk for free if you're a member. How did I not know about this?
How are YOU going to look? Buying 40's on Christmas eve.
I'm still not walking right. We need some boundaries for "drink-or-dare"...
It was like getting head from an anaconda
Some chick is drunk waving down a taxi with a slice of pizza.
I just want to be naked all the time but not in a sexual, come-hither and look at my ass sort of way. In a slightly chubby yet not ashamed way as I eat Taco Bell and lay on soft fuzzy blankets.
Right as the plane left the gate the brownies kicked in. I dont think the guy next to me appreciated my engine noises as we took off
He threw up on my head while I was blowing him, and then I started barfing, and the kitchen floor was a mess. Believe me, he will never, ever live this down.
I'm so jealous of your sex life. You know it's awesome when thinking about the sex you had last night brings you tears of joy.
The amount of dicks I have seen in the last hour is more than I have seen in my whole life.
So I heard her yell at him and I went downstairs to find he had lit up each one of my smokes and taken just one drag off each and had em lined up on the table. She says he "experiments" when on Ambien.
I just punched myself in the vagina to prove a point. Please pray for me.
Randomize
