I really think my ability to vom without making noise mmight be my most useful talent
a girl in my class is on a twilight fan site and running her fingers on the screen as edwards body comes up.
why isn't there a fb relationship option that says 'still banging my ex'
Dude. My sister is off limits. Touch her again and I'll rip off your dick and force feed it to you.
I accept this challenge.
Let me make this really simple. We woke up this morning and fucked three times. When I got up and took a shower she cleaned up the mess from last night and did the dishes. Then we went out and she bought me brunch. I don't give a FUCK how much you don't like her.
I just wanna go somewhere and not be judged for wearing spandex shorts that make my ass look like a slice of fucking heaven. Is that so much to ask??
Her dad high fived me on the way out the door. Not the reaction i expected after she came so loud.
I wasn't an ass in college so much more like I showed my ass a lot especially during serious beerpong games. You know I don't fuck around when it comes to sports.
Rick just drank rum out of a dog bowl after a dog already drank out of it.
Still not over the fact that we prayed to Jesus to help us win beer pong
Dude, you were tagged in a stripper FB selfie. That is a whole new level of something.....
Who would you rather hang with tonight, drunk me or high me?
If dispatch calls for us tell them I'm having a significant emotional event in the restroom
I got married tonight..
I'd like to first of all congratulate you on your marriage. Secondly, probably one of the best drunk texts I've ever received. Unless you were sober, then that text was awkward.
Already drunk, almost got in a fight with a bunch of irish chicks. And another with canadians. On my way to get a tattoo. I plan to regret this trip.
Randomize
