just woke up. wallet empty. bottle empty. tattoo in pen on my arm. smell like bad sex. woke up alone. and wall-e is playing on my computer. need answers.
And whoever invented the condom should be put to death.
our night together was a product of my beer goggles and jennifer aniston-like desperation.
Dont even bother asking why she was dancing with him on top of a door, let alone how the door ended up being used as a table.
I'll have to explain it to you tonight when i call drunk. It will sound better
I'll have my hookups make my March Madness picks. Win my bracket, win my heart. That's how it works right?
Why is there a condom in the dishwasher...
By 11 pm the pants were off and there was no turning back. But on the bright side, you promised me your CDs when you died, you even signed a napkin saying so.
This late night dumpster diving sesh is making my quads cramp up
Our relationship needs a sober moment
I'll call you when that happens
did you just correct my grammar and then send me a photo of your dick?
Once you've had an oral std scare, you're an expert.
we played his NES Classic. Turns out there is a warp zone to my vagina.
he made that chewbacca noise when he came. like father like son i guess.
It is like...the most transformative hard on I have ever had.
Randomize
