there's just something about her that screams "i'm into chicks who wear flannel"
he just fed my chickens on farmville...i guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex<3
Just got roadhead in a driving snowstorm. That shit should be a Winter X games event.
it was really awkward. it took him like like 2 minutes to realize who he was jacking off to. he stopped mid-stroke. such a small small world
i told you not to try chat roulette
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I probably should have cut it off when he started putting queso on my nipples, but within ten minutes I was a self-serve burrito bar.
She's allergic to latex.
Lucky bastard.
My phone really needs to stop auto correcting "library" to "ovary".
the threesome consisted of him fingering dana while i laid next to them watching how i met your mother.
I think I've reached that age where I should start dating "congrats" and not "are you keeping it?"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Wackin it to the USA womens soccer team. My own personal way of saying job well done.
Just drank an entire bottle of champagne for lunch. It's gonna be that kind of semester.
It's like we come as a package. Your slogan should be "be in my family, sleep with my roommate."
My slogan can be "bonding the family together. One dick at a time."
Just found an unopened tied g of coke on the floor in her room... she thinks the maintenance guy dropped it earlier today. This takes the cake for sketchiest apartment.
I can now say I know getting hit in the face with a flying tortilla is not fun
If waffles and beer don't scream "fuck me!" then I don't know what else to do.
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