you're drinking in the law library????
...not a bad idea....
probably not a good idea either.
My nephew just came out playing with my moms vibrator.
i overslept, had to take a cab to the train station, might puke, bought the wrong flavored vitamin water, and mj's dead. what a terrible world to wake up to.
I shall celebrate this moment with a beer conveniently located in the sock drawer directly to the right of me.
It was awful until we put her on a word ration. And she rationed her words accordingly. I love blondes.
isn't that the guy who always buys you drinks?
yeah. i love a man who still buys me drinks after the bar cuts me off.
next time on intervention
a kid puked on the floor and instead of, you know, cleaning it they cut a square out of the carpet with a boxcutter and threw it outside
And you were like "stop making pop tarts, lil bowow" as you grabbed the pop tarts from your ex and consumed them. Teach me your ways.
I hate that you live in a gated community. I feel your guard judges me every time I go to your house at 3 am an leave at 5am
That chick went from zero to shitshow in only 6 shots.
As he walked by me and gave me his dreamy smile full of dimples all i could think was 'I gave you chlamydia'.
Can I borrow you for, like, thirty minutes so you can lay on one boob and rub the other until I fall asleep?
You can't say "my boobs are wonderful" and not expect my drunken subconscious to focus on wanting to see them. Btw-can I see them?
lol hangovers are for mortals.
we should paint friendship bongs
Randomize
