Why are all the dvds taped to the fish tank. Really.
I heard an explosion in the backyard. You told me you were playing "will it burn".
What I'm saying is DOWNGRADE. Like, do you see the caps lock?
He is currently in a meeting and I am sexting him in Italian
And he's using Google translate to reply. Who says cross country relationships can't be fun?
There's a whistle here and I just want to play my whistle song on it.
tell me you did not just describe yourself as "hot and bothered"
He came to my Harry Potter marathon wearing a Hogwarts uniform. Of course I fucked him.
i just thought a plastic bag was my cat. i just pet a plastic bag. that high.
My mom has a bong in her bathroom, but no air freshener.
I'm really going to need you to stop yelling Campari.
Your babysitter texted, wants me to pay with weed. I don't know where to get any & don't want to. Will she take cigarettes instead? Or um, cash? Like a person?
Pretty sure we're going to get a cease & desist notice from the Make A Wish Foundation, but until then...
You have to commit to sexting. You can't just quit right after I send you pictures of my asshole.
Seriously, come on.
I feel like there's a picture of my ass on the internet right now.
I hate you.
I ACCIDENTALLY MURDERED MY COUSIN
HOW DO YOU ACCIDENTALLY MURDER YOUR COUSIN
I woke up wearing mittens dude
I woke up in my bathtub with the potted plant from downstairs.
checkmate.
Randomize
