If you text me again I will gut all of your stuffed animals.
and thats when i went through the window and a shard of glass got stuck in my ass. the doctor said it was the best injury hed seen all month. i am a champion of life.
Of course she's mad at you. You Kanye Wested a picture of her catching snowflakes in her mouth. "imma let you finish but..." was the shaft and you put two of Kanye West's heads for the balls.
Just found a hundred dollar bill on the ground. Hope you're looking to drink tonight
Mmmhmmm sure, nice try, but there's certain wounds that only bj's can heal
Woke up handcuffed to a half gallon of beam. Yep. This is my life.
Thanks, college. Tonight's decisions brought to you by margs in a nalgene.
I don't believe u have enough text space to describe the dimensions of his penis.
BING! You are now free to move about my panties. He just left for work.
I'm in a dress, surrounded by Republicans, and the bartender just told me he's "out of Jack Daniels" in a very accusatory tone. Shit, is it only 8 PM?
I’m going to try to be less of a cryptic bitch this week. Should be nice.
She wore her engagement ring the whole time we fucked. I hate her fiancee, so it was cool
Im bringing my light up rubber ducky just in case we end up at a rave tonight. HE CHANGES COLOR!
I'm stuck on a cliff. I'm not sure how I got here or how to get down. Please send help. And clothes.
And tell your penis that we can hang out tonight for sure.
Randomize
