Dude sorry i couldnt seem to spell any words right in the texts i sent you last night
I felt like a fucking code breaker.
im getting a BJ in a closet
and a penguin just handed me a bong
she reminds me of the kind of girl who'd fuck in church if you asked. I can dig it.
Just found out the guy that gave me herpes died. now everytime I get a flare up, it'll be like he's coming back to say hello
It feels wrong to have dick mouth at a family dinner.
I'm naked in the window of the hotel and I feel like I'm walking in slow motion like a robot
He has a shower chair now. So he sits and watches me shower. It's kind of creepy.
It's one of those things you just need to see in person at least once in your life. Like Niagara falls or some shit. His ass is the Niagara falls of asses
Is it socially acceptable to stop at the strip club for the lunch buffet on my way to the airport?
He is like the "hometown sweetheart", but a huge freak. Like "I'll come change your flat tire"....but then fuck you like an animal in the back seat.
My gynaecologist hit my g-spot today by accident and for some reason I went "at least someone found it" VERY AWKWARD
Only my second night back in town and I already have drunk middle aged women doing the robot around me in a circle.
Don't go to sleep yet I need your Mexican roots. Can you come make guacamole
I gave a handjob to the beat of uptown fuck last night
I just realized I had arrested my one night stand from last night...
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