i just borrowed 5 dollars from my eight year old sister. i'm at a new low
i woke up to her playing with my penis. just wiggling it around and around. awkward night? i would say so.
Drunk, high, and in a taco costume. Wish you were here.
i just realized that im half way to my goal of puking in every single toilet on our floor
Call me next time you want to get irresponsibly drunk when we have grown up things to do the next day.
So that'd what fifty dollars of chicken at 7/11 looks like. Made it to work on time. Puked twice. BOOM.
So update from last night: I made friends with a coke dealer, I tore the card scanner off the wall of my dorm, and I passed out on our bathroom counter with my head in the sink.
I just accidentally hit share on pornhub... Probably the scariest moment of my life
I'm at a restaurant. I am NOT about to discuss my asshole over the phone.
My dick looks like crazy bread
pics are now mandatory
Nope. Too much basics going on right now. I'm tying you both up and throwing you to the vibrating sexy toy sharks. You shall either sink or get off gloriously.
I'm two shots in and wandering around Barnes and Noble with $58 in singles.
Lmao a dude who just got out of prison said im worth 10 cigarettes in prison...I think that's a compliment
you walked into the party, and all you had on was your left sock... literally.
She picked a quarter off the floor, kissed it "for luck" and won the $20,000 jackpot. She bought dinner and stayed sober to drive us home. This is a typical example of a visit with my sister.
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