I want to come over to your house, give you money for liquor, fuck you, and then kick it untill I have to go home. Was that blatent enough for you?
im starting to measure my showers by the number of beers i drink while im in there.
As I was leaving the drunk tank the cop told me he had a feeling we would be meeting again real soon.
i just remembered i chipped my tooth last night when i pulled up your pants zipper with my teeth
I love my boobs, they're the only thing that supports me. They make me a solid 6.
It's only 10 in the morning...josh is already on the way to the ER for trying to shotgun a beer with a sparklers sticking out of it on fire.
I repeat the shot was ON FIRE. I am never going to a pirate bar again.
I may have just unintentionally roofied a man in a wheelchair
It took too long for people to come up with things in "never have i ever" so we had to change it to "Don't judge me but.."
I dont care how drunk you were. Making a bet with MY husband at MY wedding that you could seal the deal before he could is ALWAYS inappropriate!
Beer bonging to Ave Maria
call me with an emergency in 5 min. This chick has a strap on hangin behind the bathroom door.
When I'm drunk I really like to hold dicks. Like, affectionately.
I was so close to going to get my nipples pierced with my mom today
everytime he speaks i want to fuck him less. i just wanna tell him to shut up and take his pants off and we could both be happy.
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