my mother just offered to pay for my fake id.
He just said "wow, thats some rly nice hair! And those teeth..thosee are some cool teeth"
He's hinting that I'm starting to be kicked out of their blunt rides, I can feel it.
He returned my car yesterday. Found a duffel bag with beef jerky, condoms, and a handgun this morning. Slightly concerned
Some guy walked in while I was taking a piss and asked me if I knew of a back way out of the bar. He looked pretty freaked out.
The spray paint was a bad idea, 'insert penis here' isn't coming off
We can get high as fuck when there are no orders. If not its cool. I just figured Take Your Blunt Buddy To Work Day.
I kept having to give myself encouraging advice like, "you know how a path works"
Woke up on the floor with shoes on my hands...I'd say it was a success
Not as great as when your drunk mom grabbed my junk, but better than when your sober grandma sacktapped me and grabbed my butt.
This drink tastes like mosquito repellent.
How do you say happy birthday to someone you fuck occasionally that almost got you arrested? Like what do I text.
I walked in..crop dusted the whole place then asked her if she wanted to go to a place that smells better.
You were always a thinker
I was so high I forgot how to swallow food, and I just kept thinking "thank god its just mashed potatoes, they'll go down eventually"
I'm eating ice cream out of my purse
Randomize
