thx for the lesson on dirrty dancing
Everytime she opens her mouth it's like a fucking terrorist attack on my life.
so he just left - touched my cheek like he was gona kiss me and then gave me a fist bump?
you stole their roomba and ran out the door so that you could 'set it free'.
we found you passed out on lawn and the roomba bouncing back and forth on the sidewalk.
You told me alcohol would be the death of you then ordered 10 shots of tequila.
If Amber from Teen Mom can get a new boyfriend, so can I.
you inspire me to be a worse person
All I remember is lecturing my dog about how she's a lucky bitch to have a structured eating and shitting schedule.
Remember when I peed in the trash can in the ATM room last night?
Never thought I'd say this, but thank god for my blackouts.
Let's get really high and wear fake mustaches and try not to laugh at each other...
I just moved my 11am hair appointment to 8am so I could blackout at noon. Who am I?
Ehh, the third backed out. Two still isn't bad. Who gets a bootycall to pick them up from a bootycall's house anyways? Only me.
I'm gonna go parent style on your ass... I don't ask much from you but if you could please just come get shitfaced with me I would really appreciate it
Woke up to I'm AWESOME written in purple crayon all over my walls. I love drunk me
Now I am free. And I want to go meet men. My phone deleted all my contacts, and I consider this to be a new beginning. With a new man in my phone book.
Randomize
