i swear to god, this restaurant is playing a john tesh cover of a song from aladdin
Do they fuck in the end of "Lady and the Tramp" or am i just wasting my time
So there is a chick dressed up in a vagina costume handing out free condoms next to the dude handing out free Bibles and preaching about sin. I love college.
I just wasted my iTunes Gift Card on a season pass for Hannah Montana. Bad decision?
Doctor said I have sports induced asthma.
Call me old fashioned, but around here we call that "out of shape."
Also, I've sobered up around 5am, in Delaware. I remember making this decision, and highly regret it now.
FYI the landlord called and plumbers will be tearing up the bathroom tomorrow. Apparently the tub is leaking into the apt below us so be sure to pee in the shower today.
my post shower fart this morning sounded like hulk ripping through a phonebook
Donating $10 to Sandy victims for every hurricane I drink tomorrow. Buying me alcohol just became a good cause.
You are going to come home to a suitcase in the fridge. Just go with it.
I also slapped not one but two bananas on the ass, twerked in public, and I think I made out with someone
We were at dinner and dad asked me to pass the salt and I suddenly remembered doing body shots when I was blacked out last weekend.
he sent me the greatest dick pic I've ever received.
he actually took the time to cut a fingertip off of a glove then put it on his dick like a beanie. he called it hipster dick.
Yeah and you keep saying "I know how to win America." While running away from us
Just screamed wow while using my vibrator.. new low
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