Wow, you were right... Weed does start conversations
Talking to this girl is like playing minesweeper on hard. There's red flags everywhere.
You have to understand, this is the first time I'm looking at a whopper sober.
He had rug burn on his nose from my landing strip
Been at work for four hours and just discovered the chairs in my office double as a napping surface. Most productive thing I've done all day
We don't need a hotel, we'll just sleep in the post office.
Got hereat 8. Had 6 beers 2 shots and a game of diZZY BATOS
I'm at work, and just realized I the beer smell I keep getting random whiffs of is my bra. I fail at life.
Taking shots of gin by myself out of TMNT glasses and chasing with bites of chocolate cake. AMERICA.
I think I just got propositioned for sex by the lady behind the counter at dunkin donuts
We watched game of thrones, broke up and I drove away blasting ridin solo while he dougied
I used his number to look up his customer information at work. He's no longer saved as Magic Penis in my phone.
I puked into my skirt and then had to carry it to the bathroom and dump it out, Lmfao and it was like 2pm
i told them you weren't like that.. and they laughed at me?
The shower rod just came down while I was pooping. I caught it though and the curtain stayed on, so I'm not sure if it's a good or bad omen for the rest of my day
Randomize
