I wish they made sweatshirts for legs
you mean pants?
so the time management class we had to take for work seems to be working. I just beat off instead of waiting for gf to get home bc it fit my schedule better.
she just uttered the sweetest sentence in the english language...my stripper friends are coming over
He won't talk to me. He'll only communicate using scissors
Definitely got drunk and sent her a literal picture of my asshole. I titled it " you"
No, I got those cupcakes fair and square. That homeless man should have known not to underestimate the determination of a stoned chem student.
If the world would stop letting me feel invincible I would probably stop doing this shit.
Somehow it went from suicide to pierced nipples. I think we're good.
That boy has a whole ocean of crazy lying just beneath the surface waiting to rise up, he's like the tar sands of crazy
Serious question: when you had my right nipple in your mouth, did my nipple ring have both of the balls on it, or was it missing one. Current situation: missing one.
I went with plan f. get drunk and start a fire in my yard
Do you have pictures of my pancakes
I need to show the world
They are the pancake equivalent of eventual wife
After we banged he volunteered to ducksit while I went to work. I think that's true love.
I balled in the shower for 20 minutes, rolled up to the meeting late looking like a gremlin, and my one night stand was standing there in a suit
Cat needed to get out last night. Walking to the door was too much effort so I encouraged (pushed) him to leave via window.
Isn't your room on the second floor?
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