I just punched cris angel in the balls. I have photos.
You don't know the meaning of what the fuck until you wake up naked and alone in someone's bed staring at a dead squirrel on their dresser.
He just made me a heart out of cocaine... i think i'm in love
yea man just watch out- theres a shitload of broken glass in your bed
Um, so I couldn't say it in person, but if you find my underwear in your office. Sorry. I couldn't find them, so yea.
there is a strobe light in my taxi. in what way is this safe.
and everything will be beautiful and nothing will hurt and we will eat nachos
You misunderstood me....i wasnt asking and it is not negotiable
You're making this sound more like a hostage situation than a booty call.
You. Dating a sex offender cop. Life writes itself sometimes.
my roommates tied me up with rope and duct tape then left me outside the door to the hot girls' suite on my floor, knocked on the door and ran away leaving me there with a sign that says free
Tomorrow after you go to the library to look up gay porn, I'm going to come to your apartment to paint a nude portrait of you. Get pumped, plopernickle.
& I just realized there is no vomit smiley. There needs to be a vomit smiley
Your trash is full of condoms and yoohoos what a great life we live
One public bathroom does not equal a wedding vow
After drinking all day I popped an adderal, slammed three beers in a row, apparently told the bartender "thanks bitch" then ran on stage.
Randomize
